The Fuck Bike

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Did the bike skip out on its shared apartment, leaving the author to pay rent by herself? Did it sell her counterfeit Garbage Pail Kids cards on eBay? Did it fail to appear in court to act as the author’s attorney? No! None of these! “The Bike That Fucked Me” is a 3000-word story about a “dildo bike.”

If you’re into bike fucking but you don’t get into hetero stuff, the same author has written an eerily-similar 3000-word story entitled  “The Bike That Butt Fucked Me.”

The trilogy concludes with a 3000-word story about group sex, called… yes… “The Bikes That Fucked Us.”

Newspaper Construction Set

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“Newspaper Builders” is a “toy” which costs $40 and consists of a handful of plastic asterisks. To make anything with it, you need to sit and roll newspaper into rods of specific sizes, and then stick them into the asterisks to make anything.

It would be a great way to reuse your old newspapers, if this weren’t the 21st century, and we still needed to subscribe to a daily delivery of corporate-sponsored world news printed on dead trees to know what was going on. And if it didn’t cost $40. And if you wouldn’t have to stand guard with a tazer to force an infinitely-bored child into rolling up old newspaper for hours.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.