Elf On The Shelf

You may have heard of “Elf On The Shelf” as being a Christmas tradition. Supposedly derived from some kind of vague German holiday ritual, in truth it is a book written in 2005 which comes with a toy elf. A two-buck Chinese toy plus a small Christmas story equals $29.95 of pure Christmas profit.

I’m not surprised; after all, this is America, the magical land where sick people are a source of profit. If you can turn a group of people who arguably need the most compassion and help from their fellow humans into a rag soaked with money to be wrung out, you can surely push Christmas down that last flight of stairs from the temple of humanity. Get out, Christmas, and stay out until you’ve fixed the economy, and if everyone doesn’t have a job by the end of the year it’s YOUR FAULT.