Monthly Archives: April 2014

How To Shit In The Woods

shit-in-the-woods

This book is now in its 3rd edition and gives you detailed instructions for taking a shit outdoors. It’s sold 2,500,000 copies. The entirety of existence of life on earth, lasting billions of years, has involved shitting outside on the ground, yet this book exists and is a best-seller.

If you’re in the target market for this book, you might also want Sex In A Tent, an instructional manual for having sex outdoors. Another basic component of mammalian biology that you somehow fail to grasp. Lord knows how you feed yourself.



Apocalyptic Masturbation

oh-shit-the-awakening

If it’s been a while since you dipped your toe into the apocalyptic fringe, why not have a look today? “The Prepper: Part One”, “Oh Sh!t… The Awakening”, “Grid Down: Perceptions of Reality”, “Society’s Collapse: A Long Road Ahead”, and “Equipping Modern Patriots” are some of the best-selling books in the genre of Prepper Fiction, a masturbatory fantasy by and for people who keep food and guns in their basement. The message, of course, is that it’s actually good and smart to hoard bullets and bags of rice, not a delusion or fantasy about using the end of society to acquire the power and resources they lack here in the real world.

In case you’re not tempted yet to hit the “look inside” link to read these (which you can do on the product page) – each and every one has a monologue by at least one character about how Obama caused the fictional apocalypse, via power failure, cyber-attack, or nuclear blast.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.