ASMR, or “Autonomous sensory meridian response,” is a lot of words to describe recording yourself making noise on a stereo microphone and then making other people listen to it. This man, who I’ve unfairly yet accurately dubbed Mr. Creepy, makes dozens of ASMR videos. The covers always feature him staring into the camera, the shadow of a grin flashing across his face, as if he knows something you do not, like, perhaps, that he masturbates to the sound of himself scratching and tapping a cardboard box. Or crinkling a plastic bag. Or swishing a makeup brush on a microphone while the microphone is recording. Staring into the camera the whole time, sometimes whispering.
If you feel a shiver run down your spine, it’s not some kind of unique biological stimulation. It’s your brain trying to tell you that someone’s about to murder you.
Make sure you watch a few seconds of the Ear Cleaning ASMR video (pictured above) if you want to grasp the true size of this horror.