Monthly Archives: January 2021

The Booger Bin, A Solution Of Sorts

booger-bin

In a world where there is no option to disposing of mucus in a sanitary fashion, The Booger Bin solves that very problem. The choice of flicking your booger out into the room you’re sitting in and wiping it inside The Booger Bin is a false dichotomy, of course, but this is a world where you can sell cotton balls at a one-billion-percent markup by calling them Snowman Poop. Anything goes, here.



Tweexy: A Solution In Search Of A Problem

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If you paint your own nails, you might look at the manufacturer’s instructions for using Tweexy to hold your nail polish bottle (it’s here, on the listing) and think it’s a great idea. In practice, strapping a bottle of nail polish to your fingers and then trying to paint those fingers from behind the Tweexy is a nightmare, and you’re probably more likely to spill it than if you’d just set the bottle on a table.

The Reversible USB Cable

reversible-usb-cable

In theory, this reversible USB cable might be handy, if you have trouble plugging in a regular USB cable due to the fact that there’s a right-side-up and a wrong-side-up. But looking at the end of a cable before you plug it in is free, and so is using a marker to put a dot on the right-side-up side of the USB cable you already own.



The Creepiest ASMR Video Guy

asmr-ear-cleaning

ASMR, or “Autonomous sensory meridian response,” is a lot of words to describe recording yourself making noise on a stereo microphone and then making other people listen to it. This man, who I’ve unfairly yet accurately dubbed Mr. Creepy, makes dozens of ASMR videos. The covers always feature him staring into the camera, the shadow of a grin flashing across his face, as if he knows something you do not, like, perhaps, that he masturbates to the sound of himself scratching and tapping a cardboard box. Or crinkling a plastic bag. Or swishing a makeup brush on a microphone while the microphone is recording. Staring into the camera the whole time, sometimes whispering.

If you feel a shiver run down your spine, it’s not some kind of unique biological stimulation. It’s your brain trying to tell you that someone’s about to murder you.

Make sure you watch a few seconds of the Ear Cleaning ASMR video (pictured above) if you want to grasp the true size of this horror.



Crayon And Other Scents

demeter-crayon

Demeter perfumes generally smell exactly like what’s on the bottle. “Chocolate Chip Cookie” smells eerily like a freshly-baked cookie. “Tomato” smells exactly like a tomato, which is fine, if that’s what you want. And “Bonfire” smells like you’ve been outside next to a pile of burning wood.

But I’ve always been mystified why you’d want to put on their “Dirt” fragrance. It smells like dirt from the ground. Or “Cannabis Flowers.” Or “Suntan Lotion.” Or “Poison Ivy.” And now they have a “Play-Doh” scent. And “Crayon.” That’s actually what they smell like, too. Who is wearing crayon? Where do you wear crayon?

(autotune voice) IM IN THE CLUB SMELLIN LIKE CRAYON






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.