Monthly Archives: May 2021

Flaming Skulls

flaming-pile-of-skulls

It’s not that setting up a flaming pile of skulls in your yard wouldn’t be the most bad-assed thing to ever happen to your yard. It’s just that they’re sold individually, so if you want the full “pile of skulls” effect, it’ll run you several hundred dollars. (The manufacturer recommends you use nine to fifteen skulls.)



Dog Cheesecake

dog-cheesecake

Your dog will eat Puppy Cake’s just-add-water Dog Cheesecake. He’ll also eat any food ever made, and grass from the yard, and poop from the yard. So if you spend your afternon whipping him up a Red Velvet Puppy Cake, and he eats it, it’s not because he’s been craving the taste of red food coloring. It’s because he knows anything you set on the floor is his, and you just set an entire weird little cake down there.



Not A Phone

nophone

The NoPhone is a phone-shaped piece of plastic “for people who use their phone too much.” It’s the perfect example of getting people coming and going. You sell them the phone, then when they use the phone, you sell them the NoPhone. At no point does the absence of commerce enter the picture. Just like The Gift Of Nothing, the idea of not buying something has been monetized, and it heats the earth and uses plastic the same as its “something” counterparts.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.