Monthly Archives: May 2019

The Fucking Egg Genie


I don’t care how many eggs you eat a day. You just don’t need an Egg Genie. Everything in your kitchen can cook an egg. The stove, the microwave, the coffee maker, the toaster oven, probably the toaster.

If you can’t cook an egg with the appliances and accessories available in the regular American household, the problem lies within. Close your eyes… your internal life is in black and white. You’re always messing up the eggs. You drop the eggs. You shake your head. Maybe you do need this fucking egg tub.

Make Your Own D*ldo


For $42, if I’m going to make my own d*ldo, it had better not look like my own chub. It should look like the Space Shuttle, or Kim Jong Un, or the Eiffel Tower with veins. I don’t think that’s a cuss word, by the way, I’m just keeping G**gle from yelling at me because they put their ads on here which I get paid for if you click.

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