Monthly Archives: July 2019

Eight Gigabytes Of Gun


If you’re the kind of guy who won’t buy something unless it’s gun-shaped or attaches to a gun, this flash drive is for you. Just make sure you keep it at home if you live in America and your skin’s any darker than a mozzarella stick. Cops know they’ve got paid retirement and $100k in a GoFundMe waiting for them if they plug you.

The Pocket Hose


The Pocket Hose is not just something you walk by at the drugstore and say “I already, heh heh, I already have a pocket hose.” It’s also one of the most poorly-reviewed items I’ve ever seen, having collected over 1,600 one-star reviews, mostly complaining that it develops leaks throughout the entire length of the hose as soon as you start using it.

Telebrands, the maker of Pocket Hose, responded by creating the Pocket Hose Ultra, a “3x stronger” version of the Pocket Hose, which already has over 100 one-star reviews saying that it breaks in the same way as the Pocket Hose.

At-home semen testing kits


Have you ever wanted to “test the fidelity” of your loved one by scraping their underwear for semen? Then “CheckMate Infidelity Tests” are the thing you’ve been looking for. Unfortunately, according to the reviews, they don’t actually work. So if you’re rooting through someone else’s dirty garments, make sure you do it because you love semen and butt-smell, not because you want to give them a “fidelity test.”

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