Monthly Archives: March 2017

Adulting Stickers

adulting-stickers

As you’ve no doubt noticed, young adults have increasingly been describing a functional, independent existence as “adulting.” This pack of stickers includes an assortment of routine tasks (you can see them all here, on the listing) and should give you the feeling the Dutch describe as plaatsvervangende schaamte, which literally means “place-exchanging shame”, or shame you feel on behalf of someone who should feel ashamed, but doesn’t.

(The German language has a similar word, fremdschämen, which makes it even more strange that English, the home language of “adulting”, doesn’t.)



The App Oven

june-intelligent-oven

The June Intelligent Oven is a countertop oven about the size of a small microwave that you control with your phone. (Here’s a picture of the app, along with a few other pics.) It lets you watch live video of your food cooking, which traditionally was only available by looking through the front of your oven, which is supposedly inconvenient.

The main use-case seems to be steak, which is something you could accomplish on a stovetop burner, grill, normal oven, bath of water, or literally anything that gets hot. You can even cook a steak by wrapping it in foil and leaving it on the engine block of your car while you drive, as this book of car-engine recipes points out. But your car, which you already own, won’t make them an absurd amount of money when you buy it.



The “Gangsta” Bible

the-holy-bibizzle

When the entirety of your knowledge of hip-hop culture is that it’s “gangsta” and that Snoop Dogg, at one point, said “izzle” on words, then you might write “Tha Holy Bibizzle”, an unsurprisingly racist retelling of the first few books of the Bible. Its authors have chosen to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.

The Basslet

basslet

The physical experience of a subwoofer in your car, at home, in a theater, or at a live music event, is that your entire body feels the lower frequencies in the music. An aural experience becomes tactile, like the scent and taste of your food combining to provide a richer experience than either one alone could. The Basslet, on the other hand, vibrates your wrist from your iPhone, providing you with the underwhelming experience of your wrist vibrating. It’s almost as if…. drumroll… they thought of the name first.

There’s only one way you could use the Basslet to subwoofer your body, and that would be to shove it up your ass. You won’t be surprised to learn that there’s already a product that does this very thing. (It could very well be “not safe for work”, so I’ll just put the link here.) Sadly, it’s not called The Buttwoofer.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.