Monthly Archives: July 2017

The NoPhone

nophone

The NoPhone is a phone-shaped piece of plastic “for people who use their phone too much.” It’s the perfect example of getting people coming and going. You sell them the phone, then when they use the phone, you sell them the NoPhone. At no point does the absence of commerce enter the picture. Just like The Gift Of Nothing, the idea of not buying something has been monetized, and it heats the earth and uses plastic the same as its “something” counterparts.



Pon, The Punctureless Push Pin

pon-punctureless-push-pin

Alliteration aside, it’s actually fine to use a push pin to tack a piece of paper to a bulletin board inside your home. Any treasured memory you have on paper also exists digitally, if you care about it enough to put it up in your house. And if it’s a flyer, or a school lunch menu, or a business card, it’s not a treasured memory.

But, as the “Amount Raised On Kickstarter” shows, the manufacturers have apparently made their case that Pon is a necessity. Congrats to them for conning over three thousand people out of an insane amount of Kickstart money.

Unicorn Dab

unicorn-dab-shirt

If you’re wondering what lies in the middle of the Venn Diagram of little girls and rap slang, the answer is Unicorn Dab.

Here’s another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another. They’re not just on different styles or colors of shirts – they’re all drawn differently, which makes this all even more mysterious.

North Korean Mug

north-korea-mug

Even if you’re down for a North Korea joke, the implication of this mug is that if you complain about the DPRK’s regime, they’ll throw your entire family in a labor camp, where you will be tortured and starved until you all die. I’d think that was just a misstep, except the company makes another, different torture mug,






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.