A Chainmail Necktie


The chainmail necktie is a great way to say “Sure, I have a job that requires me to wear a tie, but that doesn’t mean I want to be promoted.”

The Dangerous Jumping Stilts


The Poweriser Jumping Stilts let you fly several feet up into the air, springboarding across hard concrete surfaces as if you had some sort of kinetic-energy-storing devices attached to your legs. Which is great, and fun, until eight minutes in, when you fall at slightly the wrong angle and snap your fibula. Don’t believe me? Check out the review where the purchaser describes these as leaving his teen looking “like he had jumped through a wood chipper.” Then he gave the product five stars anyway. Apparently, hurting a child is just what this man wanted.

Dr. Oz And The Saffron Scam


Saffron is, biologically speaking, the dried stigmas of the crocus flower. It’s orange in color and used culinarily for its color and scent. It contains small amounts of terpenes and other organic compounds (like safranal) which are weak antioxidants and mild anticonvulsants, but as you might imagine, saffron extract does not cause a person’s appetite to be diminished. Nor does it cause thermogenesis (the most common pharmaceutical method of weight-loss.)

Like many of the supplement fads of the past few years, it was pushed by Dr. Oz, a television doctor who is paid by supplement companies to promote their products. Dr. Oz has also been directly responsible for the Garcinia Cambogia fad/scam, promoting it heavily in 2012 despite widespread scientific studies showing it has no appetite-suppression or thermogenesis-promoting properties.

Before garcinia, Dr. Oz promoted green coffee-bean extract and raspberry ketones as weight-loss supplements. No peer-reviewed study has proven that either of these supplements induce weight loss, either.

Given the fact that Dr. Oz has a history of promoting homeopathy in addition to one weight-loss scam after another, it only stands to reason that he’s published a book called “You: The Owner’s Manual,” a book that tells you how to be healthier and younger. It’s a #1 New York Times bestseller. It has sold over a million copies.


How To Become A Lord In Scotland


This little packet of crap includes a deed to a square foot of land in Scotland, supposedly giving you the right to be called “Lord,” and granting you ownership. Unfortunately, this practice is explicitly outlawed in Scotland, meaning that your deed is meaningless. Not that any rational person would want to call himself Lord, anyway.

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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.