Offensive Business Cards

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Meant to be kept with you at all times (if you’re a terrible asshole,) Offensive Business Cards is a twenty-dollar box of a hundred business cards bearing passive-aggressive insults about someone else’s body odor, their tattoos, their intelligence, and a few other subjects. It’s a great gift for the person who’s always mad about everything everyone else does, and is foul enough to feel the need to carry pre-printed cards to externalize it.

If your passive-aggression is limited to parking, though, you might want to go for the “You Parked Like An Idiot” business card set.

Or, if you have health insurance, therapy.



A Tarantula (For Eating)

dehydrated-tarantula

Intended for consumption, this huge tarantula has been boiled and dehydrated, ensuring all of its little prickly hairs will torture your throat on the way down, should you dare to eat it.  Most cultures who eat large insects fry them, since they’re more or less inedible unless you burn off and soften most of the disagreeable parts with hot oil.

Then again, it’s from the maker of “Moth Poop Tea”, which is exactly what it sounds like, so maybe the intent is more to dare people to eat intentionally-bad foods rather than broaden their palate to prepare for a climate-changed Earth where we’ll have to eat bugs for protein.

Amazon Pays You To Use The Button Now

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The Amazon Dash button, which I’ve written about before (here), is on sale for $1 today, and Amazon gives you $5 worth of credit when you use it for the first time, meaning they’ll pay you a net profit of $4 for hooking one of these up. If paying a customer to use something for their convenience doesn’t send a cold bolt of dystopian terror through your heart, I don’t know what will.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.