The World Of Nude House-Cleaning

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It’s reassuring to know that in our modern hell-world, where we can stream giga-hardcore videos of men and women brutalizing themselves in all holes, you can still get softcore porn. (The cover is blurred here for what I hope are obvious reasons. You can see the uncensored Zen Garden Nipples on the product page.)

The highlight of Pure Nude Yoga: Zen Garden Goddess is the reviews. It’s accumulated ninety of them as of right now, and include such gems as “I bought this mainly because I’m into staring at naked girls and sort of was interested in trying yoga.” Another notes that “toward the end, [she was] looking distinctly sunburned.”

For those who aren’t satisfied with this toe into the pool of creepvids, there is Totally Nude Balance Ball Workout, and Nude House Cleaning Top To Bottom. If I have to pick a highlight, it’s a man who calls himself Chuck Steak, who one-stars “House Cleaning” and then comes back to his own review, four months later, to say “I haven’t watched this since the initial viewing.” Keep us updated, Chuck.



The “Fun” Box

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The “FUN LIGHT SWITCH BOX”, which is titled in all-caps by the manufacturer, is a $69.95 kit which, after you drill 17 holes and wire up all of the buttons and lights, allows you to turn on the lights by turning the switches on and off. You can also turn the lights off. “FUN.”



The Self-Twirling Fork

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This motorized fork spins the end at the push of a button, so you can eat your spaghetti with, as the manufacturer claims, “more satisfying bites.”

The highlight here is the five-star review which says “Just don’t forget them at the restaurant like we had.” Which implies that each member of his family had one, and they brought them to a restaurant, and ate their spaghetti with them. In the restaurant. 








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.