Body Rap: The Rap You Wear


The touch-sensitive pads say “B B B Body R R R Rap” when you press them. It’s “collectible,” which, I suppose, depends on whether or not you collect Body Raps.

Shitty Pants


The euphemistically-named Goosh Pants brag that they are “light weight for wearing extended periods.” Which is what you’d do with a pair of white pants that’s made to look as though you’ve urinated and had diarrhea in them, and the urine and feces dripped down the legs of your pants, realistically staining them. (I had to blur these, but, if you don’t know what poop and pee looks like, feast your eyes on it over here.)

A Clock But With Words


The LED Word Clock isn’t the most annoying clock in the world. Sure, it costs a stupid amount of money, and it takes a practical function and turns it into a chore. But in my opinion, The Runaway Alarm Clock, which combines the unreadability of a small, unlit LCD with the fact that it rolls itself off of your nightstand on purpose, is probably the worst clock you could buy, if you’re looking to tell time.

Of course, neither of these is the Louis XVI bronze mantel clock, which is the price of a very nice car, or a small house (in Ohio.)

Nintendo Cartridge Flask


The purpose of a flask is to conceal alcohol so that you can bring it with you somewhere that alcohol’s not allowed. Carrying a Nintendo cartridge flask is probably more suspicious than most things you could stuff into (I’m assuming) your cargo shorts.

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