Pre-Virus Peepee

auto-urine-therapy

Long before anyone was coming up with fake treatments or preventatives for COVID, people were drinking their own urine. Suspiciously written by an author called “An Experienced Physician,” this book promises good health to all those who drink their own urine. If you prefer a urine book with an author who has a name, Your Own Perfect Medicine by Martha M. Christy claims more or less the same thing, plus a review from a lady who pissed on her husband’s “spastic toe,” claiming it worked wonders.



The Urban Spork

lewis-and-clark-spork

The Lewis N. Clark Urban Gear Spork is a stainless-steel folding spork. The lone review sadly points out that the spoon is too large, the tines of the fork are too rounded to pick up food, and the “knife” is a few serrations carved into the side of the spoon. Perhaps feeling sorry for the urban spork, they then gave it three stars.

The Stainless Steel Tactical Spork, a different product, isn’t much better, but it does come with a picture of the spork attached to the end of an assault rifle.

Mommee Coffee: The Coffee For Moms

mommee-coffee

Pregnant women are one of the most coveted demographics for capitalists. You will ruin your child’s entire life forever if you don’t buy the right products while pregnant, and there’s no better driver of commerce than fear. Enter Mommee Coffee, the pregnant woman’s coffee. Sure, you could drink regular decaf or half-caf coffee when you’re pregnant, but why risk drinking something cheap and widely available?

At least it probably tastes better than Third Trimester Tea.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.