The Booger Bin

booger-bin

In a world where there is no option to disposing of mucus in a sanitary fashion, The Booger Bin solves that very problem. The choice of flicking your booger out into the room you’re sitting in and wiping it inside The Booger Bin is a false dichotomy, of course, but this is a world where you can sell cotton balls at a one-billion-percent markup by calling them Snowman Poop. Anything goes, here.



Cookie Shotglasses

cookie-shotglasses

Edible shotglasses made with this mold probably taste like cookies, but they’re also probably the least appetizing thing you could cook out of cookie dough.

Not even edible glitter could make them look good.

The BDSM Coloring Book

bdsm-coloring-book

Attempting to land in the middle of the venn diagram of “adults who color” and “adults who tie each other up” is The BDSM Coloring Book. The customer pictures show that it’s filled with low-grade collages of clip-art, but this is less troubling than the customer review that reveals the author got caught bringing a 17-year-old girl across state lines to have sex with her.

So, unless you’re into funding the sex-travels of a pedophile, but your temperament demands you color in something sexual, you might want to stick with the Sex Position Coloring Book. Or The Fetish Coloring Book. Or, as far as I’m concerned, you could go straight for the unfortunately-named Adult Coloring For Dummies. You’re the one coloring in coloring books, not me. When I need to “unwind” I drink beer and murder people on Playstation like a normal damn American.



Drunk On Christmas

santas-flask

It’s the time of year we all love, and it has nothing to do with family, friends, traditions, or even presents. As winter’s chill begins to set in, each of us hang Santa’s Flask from the mantle and drink wine out of a two-liter plastic bag. The drinkier among us came equipped with the Santa Hat Flask, and have already been “sneakily” drinking from the giant plastic nozzle sticking out of the side.

Santa’s not for everyone, though. For those who worship the stars and stripes above the idolatry of Old Saint Nick, there is another option.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.