The Hexagon That’s An Octagon

 

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Live your 1980s-based dreams with the “Octagon Aqua Coffee Table,” which is actually a hexagon. But those two missing sides mean very little considering your dream’s coming true! Neon lights! Lamborghini Diablos! Ronald Reagan in charge of the country! This table truly is, as the manufacturer says, “Art In Motion.”



A 1700s No-Fap Book, Still In Print

diseases-caused-by-masturbation

You wouldn’t think that a discredited pseudo-scientific treatise from the 1700s would still be in print, but:

1. Here it is

2. Thousands of people online today abide by a doctrine they call “no fap,” claiming that abstinence from masturbation cures their social and physical illnesses.

There’s also “Images You Should Not Masturbate To,” though that’s a more recent book, whose cover appears to show a naked Ron Paul chopping through a frozen lake with an axe.



Fat Man In A Barrel

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You’ve got to hand it to the makers of Fat Man In A Barrel, a humongous flesh-plug I’ve pixellated for obvious reasons. (You can see it on the manufacturer’s listing, if you’ve got a need to do that.) Not just for making something so huge it’s unlikely many people would ever be able to use it, but for coming up with an innocuous name so un-dildo-like that still describes their product perfectly.

Notable for the exact opposite reason is Kaylen’s Hand Butt Plug, which is shaped, apparently, exactly like Kaylen’s hand. Whoever that may be. Hope you’re getting royalties from that hand-modeling job, Kaylen.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.