Pokemon: Buying & Selling The Souls Of Children


The minister John Paul Jackson passed from this earth in 2015, but not before writing this scare-tome to encourage parents to ban their children from Pokemon.

Unfortunately for Pokemon Company International, his campaign was successful, causing the Pokemon brand to go bankrupt and fail shortly after the book was published in the year 2000, leaving the world with nothing but memories of the once-popular Pokemon.



Traumatic brain injury is horrible. I’m just not sure that “Smash Traumatic Brain Injury” is the best way to phrase that. 

Epic Adulting Tea


“Adulting is hard,” begins the copy on the back of this canister of tea, insultingly. But that’s what you’ve got to do if you want to sell fifteen tea bags for $18.99. You’ve got to target a demographic, use their slang to show you’re a member of their group, and mark your product up relentlessly.

Do they also have a flavor called “Wake The F**k Up”? Of course they do. Same price.

Power Toothpaste: Caffeinated Toothpaste


Power Toothpaste is caffeinated toothpaste, which contains 67.4mg of caffeine per milliliter. A milliliter is the recommended amount of toothpaste they suggest you use per brush. The caffeine is intended to be absorbed through the tissues in your mouth (your sublingual space, gums, tongue, and cheeks.)

While they haven’t done any clinical studies to measure how much caffeine is absorbed in this way, even if you were to absorb all 67.4mg from your brushing, you would not, as they claim, be energized “like a cup of coffee.” A twenty-ounce coffee at most coffee shops contains between 300-500 mg of caffeine, depending on what beans are used and how it’s brewed.

It’s easy to brew coffee at home, for that matter, or to buy caffeine supplements if you don’t like coffee. But comparing apples and oranges in an attempt to sell bananas is just a small part of the situation we’re in, here, hurtling through the vacuum of space.

Carbage Can: Origins


As I’ve noted before, there are some products where it’s obvious the creator thought of the name before creating the product, and Carbage Can is one of those.

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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.