Bootleg Pumpkin-Time Costumes

hulk-hogan-bootleg-costume

It’s difficult and expensive to license celebrity names and trademarked looks. So, let me tell you something, brother: It’s time for some bootleg pumpkin-month costumes! Sweet Child Rocker is definitely not Axl Rose, which makes sense, because it’s 2017. And Landscape Artist Brown Afro? You better believe it’s not Bob Ross. Graveyard Ghost is, of course, unlicensed Beetlejuice. And the Women’s Orange Scrub Set may be obvious, but the true genius of “Burger Heiress” might not strike you until you see who they’re referring to.



Amazon Key

Amazon Key is a system that allows Amazon to unlock your front door and deliver your packages inside your house. There’s a video, if you feel like you’re still on the fence about this idea.



Caffeinated Peanut Butter

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Peanut-butter toast and a cup of coffee is a pretty classic, cheap breakfast combo. Which means it makes perfect sense to replace that with a thirteen-dollar jar of caffeinated peanut butter. It’s got a skull and bones on it, though, so that means it’s… angry?

At least they didn’t claim, like the manufacturers of Steem Caffeinated Peanut Butter, that “caffeine naturally bonds with peanut butter.” (It does no such thing, chemically speaking, and if it did, then the caffeine wouldn’t work in its intended fashion, having reacted with the other ingredients.)






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.