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Traffic Oil

road-opener

Magical oils are usually pretty bad overall, but I challenge you to find worse than Road Opener, a magic oil you use to reduce the amount of traffic while you’re driving.

Can You Trademark A Number?

twenty-six-point-two

The answer, sadly, is yes. The “26.2″ you see on cars (in magnet form here), which is the length in miles of a standard marathon, was trademarked in 2008. It’s registered as a “standard character mark,” meaning that you cannot print the number 26.2 in any form on athletic wear (including shoes) or car stickers/magnets without violating the trademark.

I could spend all day in the “numbers that are illegal to use” rabbit hole, so I’ll leave you with just one more: NASCAR has a registered trademark for the number 3.



Paintball bow

paintball-bow

Hunting animals with a bow makes sense, since it’s quiet, and won’t scare off other animals in the area when you shoot. But the Airow, a ridiculously-priced bow with a tube you can load with paintballs, doesn’t make a lot of sense. It sounds a loud “PTONG” when you fire, and other paintball players know you’re trying to shoot them, so it’s not like they’re going to wander around eating leaves until you do.



A Small Rosebud

rosebud-stroker

What follows is extremely graphic, so if you’re not into reading about extreme porn, skip this one & don’t click the pic.

A “rosebud” is, in porn terminology, the prolapse of the rectum, turned inside-out and pushed out of the sphincter so it’s visible externally. It’s as wretched as you’d think it would be, if you’ve never seen one before. What hides behind the heavily-pixellated picture and link is, thankfully, not an actual person’s rosebud. It’s the next-worst thing, though, which is a gelatinous “toy” whose entrance point is a relatively-enormous rosebud.

The consequences of a young woman physically ruining her rectum to push the boundaries of porn are easy to imagine. It’s also a short mental leap to a world in which an adult actress offers up her liver for fucking on camera. They’ll call it “brown-lobing” at first, but then they’ll switch to “daisies.” Daisies sounds nice. Not at all like someone ruining a real person’s internal organs for a few hundred dollars.







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