The Self-Twirling Fork

twirling-fork

This motorized fork spins the end at the push of a button, so you can eat your spaghetti with, as the manufacturer claims, “more satisfying bites.”

The highlight here is the five-star review which says “Just don’t forget them at the restaurant like we had.” Which implies that each member of his family had one, and they brought them to a restaurant, and ate their spaghetti with them. In the restaurant. 



Forrrrrever Comfy

 

forever-comfy

Despite the fact that “Forever Comfy” sounds like a blanket to put on a dead person inside a coffin, it is instead a cushion. A single, forty-five-dollar cushion. And, according to reviewers, after you sit on it, it never returns to its original size, implying that it’s Once Comfy, not “Forever.”

I still haven’t figured out whether it’s related in any way to “Forever Lazy,” the one-piece depression pajama.



The Family Sleeping Bag

family-sleeping-bag

I love my family. But I don’t want to try to sleep all night inside a big insulated plastic bag with them. The manufacturer claims it fits four “if you have young children”, which may be technically true, but I dare you to stay asleep in a padded sweatbag with a five-year-old pushing her knees into the small of your back and sleep-talking about Dinosaur Train.



The Accomodator, A Chin-Dildo

accomodator

The Original Accomodator is a dildo attached to a head-strap so you can wear the dildo on your chin. I have pixellated it in case you’re not in the mood to see such a thing, but there are several pictures on the product listing if you want to get Accomodated.

Bizarrely, there is a SECOND product called The Accomodator, which I guess is why the first one called itself The Original Accomodator. The non-original Accomodator also has a dildo, and a strap, but to use it, you… well… maybe it’s best if you just go see the incredibly not-safe-for-work picture and description of it.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.