Sip-N-Spoon

sip-n-spoon

The Sip-N-Spoon has a hole in each end, so you can drink cereal milk through your spoon, since that’s something you’ve always wanted to do. The problem with spoon-straws, which already exist, is that they’re usually disposable (like these 400-for-$10 spoon straws) because unless you run a test-tube brush through them, you’re going to be eating cereal out of a spoon that smells like spoiled milk. Using plastic one time and chucking it in the landfill isn’t a great use of resources, either, but it’s worth mentioning.

There’s also the issue that milk dribbles out of the hole in the spoon end as you’re trying to get the cereal to your mouth, and the spoon is thicker than a normal spoon, so it’s like trying to eat cereal off a spatula. But that’s life in the world of consumer goods, where dumping cereal into a bowl of milk is now a painful task we must endure and only made feasible through plastic products, like Obol, a trough-sized double-bowl that lets you keep your cereal and milk separated while you eat it.



Cards Against Humanity: The Ripoffs Continue

cats-abiding-horribly

You have, no doubt, encountered the game Cards Against Humanity by this point. While it’s fair enough that imitators have released games with a similar mechanism, like Joking Hazard and Punderdome, other people trying to get in on the card-based party game take a less-creative approach of simply making their own cards for the original game. And while the original toed the line with Hitler, midgets, Auschwitz, “big black dicks”, “The Jews” (hmm, I’m seeing a trend here) the imitators often go straight for the hate-speech without bothering to wink or nudge. Cats Abiding Horribly: The SJWs Strike Back is, in fact, more or less a list of ways to insult women, minorities, and LGBTs. (The listing shows dozens of cards, if you don’t know how the right-wing talks about these groups of people.)

There are others, like Cows Against Hamburgers, Cocks Abreast Hostility, and Clones Attack Hilarity, which all follow the abbreviation CAH. They’re named that because it’s what the first unofficial expansion, Crabs Adjust Humidity, did, and there’s little room for creativity in this industry.

Enjoy Your Aids Mouse

enjoy-your-aids-mouse

Since it takes a child or a shithead to make fun of the seventy million people worldwide who have been infected with HIV (half of them – 35,000,000 – have died) there’s really no way to excuse the message printed on this computer mouse. (The print on it is small, but you can zoom in on the original listing if you must see it.) Regardless, if you’re the kind of person who wants to use a wireless mouse that celebrates this huge loss of life from a disease that was ignored for years because it was thought to be punishment for homosexuals, this mouse pad would probably work well as an accessory. (Being that it’s another shithead product, the manufacturer’s own product listing shows it misprinted.)

If you were just into people dying, this “got malaria?” hoodie would be better. But you can’t tie a mosquito-borne disease to morality, so it’s a harder sell.



Wu-Tang Is For The Children

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Writing a children’s book about the Wu-Tang Clan is inappropriate to begin with, but if you read the author’s summary of the Wu-Tang Clan, it’s clear that no one involved in the process of “Hip Hop: Wu-Tang Clan” fact-checked the book or listened to the Wu-Tang Clan before publishing it. After all, even the least-knowledgeable listener would understand that Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nothing to fuck with.

(That second link goes to a Wu-Tang towel, by the way.)






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.