The Least Useful Pan


Dividing a regular pan in two so you can “cook two things at once” isn’t terrible. It’s not my thing, and you can’t toss the pan to redistribute the food, but, fine. Dividing it in three sections would make it even harder to cook your three small piles of different food. But the “Master Pan”, with five sections, takes the cake. Or, I should say, given their picture of how they think you can use it, it takes the pancake, fried egg, bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, and potatoes.

Recon Jet Sunglasses


The Recon Jet is an insanely expensive pair of sunglasses that has a built-in LED display. It shows you what direction you’re traveling in, what time it is, displays any messages you get on your phone… you know, like your phone. Except on your head, because you think that going jogging turns you into the fucking Terminator.

The Muscle Bra


Unfortunately, the manufacturers went with “Silicon muscle body suit body builder,” but I think MuscleBra is a perfect name for this product, designed to strap to your weak, hollow man-chest, and make you look as though you’ve triangled your upper body through years of weightlifting. The guy they picked to model it looks pretty supremely weird, but, hey, a non-weird guy probably isn’t going to strap on a MuscleBra.

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