Six-Foot Healing Pyramid


You won’t be able to fully grasp the insanity of the Ascension Healing Pyramid unless you read the description, which suggests specific orbs and symbols to be used with it to maximize your healing.

If you’re looking for something smaller, to heal, say, exactly two apples, then you’d probably want the nine-inch pyramid. Check out the pictures of this one to read up on the schizo-math that goes into healing exactly two apples inside a copper pyramid.

Bulletproof backpack armor


Let’s sidestep the politics of gun control for the time being and look at this piece of trash. It’s called “LifePlate”, and it’s a bulletproof plate your child carries in their backpack, to be used as a shield in case of a school shooting. It’s despicable to prey on the fear of parents by selling them an extraordinarily expensive piece of plastic.

But, what’s worse, to me, is making your child look at this thing all day in school, and explaining to them, “Oh, LifePlate? That’s for if someone bursts in the school and just fucking starts murdering everyone. Don’t worry, though, it probably won’t happen, but the chances are good enough that I thought I’d bulletproof you. I didn’t want to plunk down for the BulletBlocker child’s backpack, so make sure you get your brain and all your good organs behind that LifePlate when the time comes.”

USB Cufflinks


If you wear these insanely expensive USB cufflinks to a formal occasion where you’d be expected to wear cufflinks, what do you expect to do with them when you’re there?

If you wear them to a place where you wouldn’t be expected to wear cufflinks in the first place, you’re a huge dork.

There is no joy in USB cufflinks.

New Year’s Glasses: 2015

Novelty-products manufacturers got spoiled during the ten-year period (2000-2009, inclusive) where they could make number-glasses that had two circles right in the middle of ‘em. They continued the trend clear through to 2015, where they’ve cheated by making the numeral 1 hollow. At least these 2015 glasses light up, which is more than I can say for the other ones I found.

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