The USB Polygraph


A polygraph measures your pulse and skin conductivity. It’s usually inadmissible in court, since its accuracy rate is so low that it’s inappropriate to use as evidence in a criminal case. But, hey, if you want to drop a few bucks to accuse your friends and family of things they didn’t do and record their bodily functions on your phone with this USB polygraph, feel free.

Earthworm Jerky


You may have eaten ostrich and alligator jerky, but you’ve probably never had earthworm jerky. This is your chance to drop fifteen bucks to eat something you could probably dig out of your yard yourself.

Your Old Slingshot, Sold Back To You


What is adult life if not the simple, cheap joys of childhood sold back to us at a premium? It used to be that companies would make shiny, mass-produced, clam-packaged versions of our memories and sell them back to us in chain stores, but now, people handmake our shitty old stuff and charge us even more for it. “It’s just like the wooden slingshot you used to make as a kid,” says the manufacturer, even though the price implies it should probably be a whole lot better than something I’d make with a stick in the woods as a child.

They also make a hundred-dollar “Tree Swing,” which is a board with two holes drilled in it.

Grenade Knife


Onlookers gasp as you pull out your grenade, then sigh in relief when they see you’re actually trying to kill them with a knife.

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