Become A Lord In Scotland

become-a-lord-aristocratic-title

This little packet of crap includes a deed to a square foot of land in Scotland, supposedly giving you the right to be called “Lord,” and granting you ownership. Unfortunately, this practice is explicitly outlawed in Scotland, meaning that your deed is meaningless. Not that any rational person would want to call himself Lord, anyway.

3D Scammer

matter-and-form-3d-scanner

The Matter And Form 3D Scanner is a great idea. You throw a small object into it, and it’ll turn scan it into a 3D file that you can edit on your computer, and then print with a 3D printer. Except that it doesn’t work, rendering dark areas as holes, and shiny or transparent areas as scrambled garbage. The customer reviews include a guy who covered his scanned objects in flour to get them to scan correctly, and someone noting that the scanner scans the scanner itself, adding the rotating platform to your 3D file as part of the model.



Imitation Purple Drank

actright-sizzurp

Whether you call it lean, purple, sizzurp, or drank, the abuse of codeine-promethazine cough syrup is famous in the world of rap. It’s prescription-only, so naturally, manufacturers have created imitation-lean mixtures with melatonin, kava kava, and 5-HTP, which are all available over the counter and make you tired. Actright Sizzurp isn’t the only one. There’s also Hi-Tek Purple Haze 2x, Legal Lean, and a product actually named Purple Drank.

Of course, as happens in 21st-century America in general, the pharmaceutical companies win this battle, with the diphenhydramine (Benadryl)-loaded purple ZzzQuil syrup available online and off.

Grush, The Gaming Toothbrush

grush-the-gaming-toothbrush

I can’t think of any downside to turning basic maintenance of your own body into a phone-led gaming experience. It’s probably fine for toddlers to grow up with no concept of delayed gratification, and the idea that any non-gaming scenario can and should be turned into one.

Then again, their parents probably own this bluetooth toothbrush for adults, and feed the data into Toothr, the app that lets you share brush data with Briends (brushing friends.)








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.