Monthly Archives: April 2020

Realistic Doll Fuckers

trapped-mannequin

Forever leaning up against the window, pleading for someone to help her… forever stuck in her unmoving, dead body. (The manufacturer has more pictures on the listing, but this one was the least gross.) But the “please help me” mannequin isn’t the worst. Not by a long shot. I’m going to say the doe-eyed little-girl mannequin with the body of an adult woman is the grossest one you can buy in America today. “The skin feeling of doll is close to a gril,” they brag.

For the mannequin-fucker on a budget, there is the hard-nippled Realistic Sexy Female Fiberglass, which includes “Free wig (we will choose the wig for you.)”

Squirrel Taxidermy Options

cowboy-squirrel-taxidermy

When you’re shopping for dead squirrels, it’s tempting to go for the classic Old West cowboy squirrel, with his hat and tiny revolver. A mid-level dead-squirrel enthusiast might go for the hunter squirrel, decked out in orange vest and rifle. But the true treasure of dead squirrels is the Canoe Squirrel, rowing down the river of Eternity with his proportionately-sized paddle and craft. Just a passenger on the ship of life, like all of us, except dead, and full of polyester stuffing, with no eyeballs, and glass beads sewn beneath the skin to give the appearance of life.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.