Monthly Archives: September 2014

Viper: “You’ll Cowards Don’t Even Smoke Crack”

61VenvYHTQL._SL500_AA280_

Not many rappers have come out and said “Yeah, fuck it, I smoke crack, and I’m better than you because I smoke crack.” That’s Viper, the creator of “You’ll Cowards Don’t Even Smoke Crack,” on the song of the same name. Crack is mentioned as a way to make money in a lot of rap lyrics, or as a scourge of the impoverished, but not often are the crack songs actually about the rapper smoking crack.

His weirdly sluggish beats and low-in-the-mix vaporwave vocals might be blowing up Tumblr right now if they were ironic, or if he had even one Unicode character in his name. There are 15 of his songs here and they’re weirdly listenable.



Frisky Fox Tail

frisky-fox-tail

The Frisky Fox Tail is a 14″-long fox tail you can wear by sticking it up your… well, I had to blur it out here, so maybe you’d better see for yourself if you’re not at work right now. Foxes not your thing? You can get a bunny tail that works on the same principle. (Again, not safe for work.)



8 Gigabytes Of Gun

gun-flash-drive

If you’re the kind of guy who won’t buy something unless it’s gun-shaped or attaches to a gun, this flash drive is for you. Just make sure you keep it at home if you live in America and your skin’s any darker than a mozzarella stick. Cops know they’ve got paid retirement and $100k in a GoFundMe waiting for them if they plug you.

Wasn’t It Smart Of God

wasnt-it-smart-of-god

The book “Wasn’t It Smart Of God?” is a collection of nonsensical God-themed Facebook-memes-from-your-one-aunt, meant to illustrate the divine beauty of creation. Regardless of your spiritual bent, they’re generally like “If God didn’t love us, He wouldn’t have given us bridges, and we’d have to drive in the water!”

“Wasn’t it smart of God to give us hard knuckles so we can knock on doors?” it asks. Well, I mean… it’s–

“Wasn’t it smart of God to give us fevers when we’re sick or in love?” You don’t get a fever when you fall in–

“Wasn’t it smart of God to give us ears and noses to hold up our glasses?” I can’t continue, but if you can, hit the “Look Inside” link to see more.






TWTFS is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. We are not affiliated with the manufacturers whose products appear on TWTFS.


Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.