Monthly Archives: November 2014

Stink Yourself Slim


This is a spray you mist in your kitchen, to somehow make yourself want to eat less food. It sells for $39.99 a bottle. In the Stink Yourself Slim dreamworld, the brain is a magical organ that senses your desire to lose weight and un-hungries your flabby body when you spray a magic purple bottle. Unfortunately, the theory that a rank-smelling kitchen would stop anyone from snacking can easily be disproven by anyone who’s lived in a college dorm.

Life In The Post-Meme Landscape


I lied in the title, because “rage face” and all the other memes from 2010 are still around, and people are still trying to cash in on them. Do you want a “Forever Alone” statue for your desk? If you’re a dipshit, yes, and sure. How about a “Trollface” bobblehead? You can tap it, and watch it shake while you exchange low-grade arguments with other posters on Aggro-Gator, or whatever cesspool of stupid images you prefer. Slip on your giant cardboard Rage Face and life your best life, like a vision board from The Secret, only full of memes. It’s your life and you want to fill it with the bottom of the Internet’s big barrel.

None of these memes are to be confused with Meme The Midget Inflatable Love Doll, of course.

Bluetooth Paper Airplane


How do you take something simple and cheap, and turn it into an expensive ordeal? In 2014, the answer is “Bluetooth it to your phone!” With the $49.99 PowerUp Smartphone Controlled Paper Airplane, you can do this very thing.

The world of paper airplanes could be an enjoyable, inexpensive way to spend time with your kids, friends, or coworkers, but why risk the chance of shared emotion or eye contact? Keep your looky-orbs glued to your phone, and replace the graceful arc of a well-folded paper glider with the buzzing gigahertz transmission of a smartphone-controlled trinket.

Fetal Pigs


I blurred this because some people are sensitive to dead animals. Anyway, I thought this “fetal pig” was going to be like veal, but it just tasted like formaldehyde or something. Disgusting. At least it didn’t come with a bunch of scalpels like “Pig In A Box” did.

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