Monthly Archives: March 2014

25 Placenta Recipes


Maybe you’re wondering how to eat your placenta, or you’re a placenta collector and you want to do something tasty with all the ‘centas you’ve got out in the freezer. “Twenty-Five Placenta Recipes” is here for you! Make placenta tacos, Placenta Loaf, or 23 other dishes that aren’t horrifying at all. (There’s a “Look Inside” on this one, so make sure you click through and see the rest, unless you’re eating.)

Bigfoot Made Me Gay


In “Monsters Made Me Gay: Bigfoot Gangbang,” the author weaves a tale of what happens when you find the mythical Bigfoot. Fundamentalists will love it too, because one of the listed features of this 4,600-word story is “turning straight to gay.” Finally, some corroboration of their weird fixation that straight people can be convinced to switch teams.

No word on whether or not the Bigfeet in the story were real or just dudes in realistic, sexy Bigfoot costumes. Maybe if you’ve got the time or the Bigfoot-boner to read the whole thing, you can report back with details.  

Heaven Is For Real: For Kids


“Heaven Is For Real” is the totally real and not made up at all story by Colton Burpo, a little boy who remained alive after a near-death experience, and was not coached by his fundamentalist parents to say that heaven is actually real. As with any successful book, it has been turned into a franchise, with the improbably titled “Heaven Is For Real: For Kids.”

The story all comes together when you see another book in the series, “Heaven Changes Everything,” where Todd and Sonja Burpo baldly admit that the story they concocted was their way out of financial debt, and giving credit to God for allowing them to use their sick child as a pawn in the game of Let’s Get Rich As Fuck.

Lord Horatio Nelson’s Actual Hair


Finally! You can own a chunk of Lord Horatio Nelson’s hair! Yes, the famous British war guy who did war stuff like killing and maiming is now physically available for purchase. It’s probably normal and not psychotic at all to own a dead person’s body parts, so if you’ve got twenty-five thousand dollars, it’s yours for the buying.

If your eggs are scrambled enough to want this, but you don’t have the budget, maybe you’d be interested in some Elvis Presley hair?

Micro Sonic Grenade


When you activate the Micro Sonic Grenade, it emits a 115-decibel siren. The manufacturer describes this as a “prank,” which it might be if you think pushing someone out of a third-story window is funny. The customer reviews mostly complain that the device is not loud enough, which is a valuable insight into the mind of the typical user, as poorly as it may bode for society.

The Evils Of The Electronic Cigarette


“Vape Mania” exposes, as the subtitle suggests, “the evils of the electronic cigarette.” It suggests that e-cigs are the product of a global conspiracy to enslave the masses. As with every book I post here, there’s a “Look Inside” button if you want to read it.

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