It’s bizarre that this helicopter, which allows you to fly the word “FUCK” around your yard or local park, never quite manages to use the f-word in its listing. The manufacturer’s picture blurs out the U in the picture and they censor it as “F#*k”, “F*CK” and, “F.uck” at various points. It is, as you’d imagine, cheaply made, but more offensive to me is the commitment to ruining every occurrence of this not-actually-forbidden word.

For those unwilling to let the “joke” die, there is the R.I.P. Harambe car sticker, so everyone you drive by knows you don’t check the expiration date on the ideas you repeat. It’ll match the All Your Base Are Belong To Us t-shirt you’re wearing while you listen to The Hampsterdance Song (sic) inside your Harambe-stickered ride.  

Meant to be kept with you at all times (if you’re a terrible asshole,) Offensive Business Cards is a twenty-dollar box of a hundred business cards bearing passive-aggressive insults about someone else’s body odor, their tattoos, their intelligence, and a few other subjects. It’s a great gift for the person who’s always mad about everything everyone else does, and is foul enough to feel the need to carry pre-printed cards to externalize it.

If your passive-aggression is limited to parking, though, you might want to go for the “You Parked Like An Idiot” business card set.

Or, if you have health insurance, therapy.

Borax powder is for cleaning, and is banned as a food additive in many countries, including the United States. But that didn’t stop Joseph, who admitted he’s been eating it.

This isn’t just a phone case with a picture of a guy washing his hands. It’s a phone case printed with a low-quality JPEG of a picture of a guy washing his hands.

Intended for consumption, this huge tarantula has been boiled and dehydrated, ensuring all of its little prickly hairs will torture your throat on the way down, should you dare to eat it.  Most cultures who eat large insects fry them, since they’re more or less inedible unless you burn off and soften most of the disagreeable parts with hot oil.

Then again, it’s from the maker of “Moth Poop Tea”, which is exactly what it sounds like, so maybe the intent is more to dare people to eat intentionally-bad foods rather than broaden their palate to prepare for a climate-changed Earth where we’ll have to eat bugs for protein.

The Amazon Dash button, which I’ve written about before (here), is on sale for $1 today, and Amazon gives you $5 worth of credit when you use it for the first time, meaning they’ll pay you a net profit of $4 for hooking one of these up. If paying a customer to use something for their convenience doesn’t send a cold bolt of dystopian terror through your heart, I don’t know what will.