Monthly Archives: July 2013

Chile Oil Soda


I’ve tried chile beer before, which is never exactly “good”, but interesting. You get the base flavor of beer, plus a little bit of heat from the pepper extract. But Ramune Chili Oil Soda is wretched, marrying the bitter flavor of peppers and the sickly-sweet corn syrup with red food dye and zero chili heat to distract you from the nastiness. It’s six ounces, but I couldn’t get past the neck of the bottle before chucking it.

For those brave enough to finish the Chili Oil Soda, the next level is Ramune Takoyaki Soda – which claims to emulate the flavor of fried dough balls. I wanted to tell you what this tasted like, but I couldn’t get past sniffing the open bottle. Maybe you’re braver than I am, or your taste buds don’t work, or you need to win five bucks by drinking something bad, in which case this would be right up your alley.

$159.00 power cable


Act fast! There’s only one $159.00 power cable left! It claims to have superior noise reduction… and fast transient response… which are the opposite, in this context, as a matter of fact. Then again, anyone who thinks they need a power cable that costs this much probably hates facts and numbers.

EDIT: 2 hours after this post went up, I looked at the listing, and someone bought the last one.

Superfoods: A food trend


The word “Superfoods” is a marketing term for fruits and vegetables. A “superfood breakfast” means that you eat fruits and vegetables in the morning. “Superfood gardening” means that you grow fruits and vegetables in your garden. In the year 2013, the idea that you can rip some plants out of the ground and eat them is so amazing to so many people that you can make a career out of telling people to eat plants.

Western civilization as a whole doesn’t know how to feed itself food from the ground, and we cancelled the space program because it’s not profitable. We will be stuck here on Earth until the species dies out. One last alive person will hold a head of cabbage in one hand and scratch his head with the other, his final thought, “why am I so hungry? What do I do with this green round thing? Where a french fry at?”

Belladonna’s Foot Soldiers


The sex product “Belladonna’s Foot Soldiers” are silicone-rubber feet that you frot with. It seems to be the perfect thing for someone who wants to crank themselves off with a pair of dead, amputated feet… except for the multiple customers who mentioned in their reviews that they added glue-on toenails to make them more realistic.

Rude-Shaped Egg Fryer


Anything described as “eggciting” is guaranteed to (1) involve eggs, and (2) not be exciting. This goes for you, too, Penis Egg Fryer.

Solar Face Shield



Who need sunglasses? Throw on Solar Face Shield and you’ll be good to go. The description says “Padded head band for comfortable fit”, but I’m not sure that strapping a dark windshield to the front of your face would be comfortable, regardless of the headband.

A Pro-Child-Abuse Book For Parents


The insanity of “To Train Up A Child” is beyond my description and its cruelty is beyond my grasp. The authors of this book advocate physical abuse of a child beginning in infancy. Not discipline, but active, constant abuse. They recommend you pull an infant’s hair, hard, when he cries or bites a nipple during nursing. They describe, positively, a scenario where a man spanks a 12-month-old child for 45 minutes. As the child ages, the punishments get worse, and I’ll save you the anguish of describing them here. You can read the “Look Inside” sample online if you want to see exactly what they entail, if you have a strong stomach, or if you’d like to seethe in hatred of two of the most horrible people currently alive.

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