Monthly Archives: July 2013

PetPeek Fence Window

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With the Pet Peek Fence Window, you can finally give your loud-ass dog more to bark at. Now he can bark at stuff he hears AND sees. That’s what you need! That’s what your neighbors need! Bark bark bark! Your neighbors love you, and they love your dog, bark bark bark bark bark bark bark



Unofficial Twitter Mug

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The manufacturers of this “Social Media Mug” can’t officially call it a Twitter mug, because that would be a violation of intellectual property. That’s okay, though, because if it were actually a Twitter mug, it would have to hold the opinions of five hundred million illiterate people who can’t count to 140.



Anorexia Skeleton Doll

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I’ve never been a fan of the “Monster High” dolls (see my post about “Frankie Stein”) but this one really takes the cake. You cannot get more anorexic than an actual skeleton, in makeup, wearing clothes. Our children are being sold pretty skeletons and they dress up the pretty skeletons. It’s so much more fun than putting clothes and makeup on their own bodies, which are so fat, and will never be as skinny and beautiful as a skeleton.



Automobile Snack Holders

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The “Smart Snacker Personal Travel Container” fits in the cupholder of your car and lets you drink soda and eat chips while you’re driving. “Smart snacking” might be a bad name, though, since it could be argued the smartest time to snack is not when you’re in control of a four-thousand-pound metal capsule that explodes gasoline to drag your family across the decaying infrastructure of America.

If you want to make sure your kids don’t miss out on the metabolic joy of trans-fats and sugar, you can install the Auto Back Seat Organizer. The name suggests it’s to be used for files, but the product picture shows TWO sodas, a bigass fries, a hamburger sitting on a pull-out tray, and TWO EXTRA SNACK BOWLS ATTACHED TO THE SIDES.

And, if you want a little more elegance, try the Automobile Swivel Tray, a device that holds a turntable on an extendable arm, to allow you to plop a full plate of food down right next to the steering wheel, and rotate it, if you can’t quite reach some of the food on the plate, because you’ve piled it so high that you can’t touch the other side. The last is especially notable for the customer complaint that – at nearly a foot in diameter – it is not large enough.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.