The Wine Lanyard

winelanyard

If you loved the Beer Buckle, you’ll love The Wine Lanyard. Strap your wine around your neck like a real ‘Merican! The black nylon will match your fanny pack.



Epilators

epilator

An epilator is an electric device which rips the hair out of your leg. That’s not an exaggeration. It grabs the hair, with a spring, or a drum full of rotating tweezers, and rips the entire hair out of your leg.

Any epilator is unnecessarily painful and gruesome compared to shaving or waxing your legs, but I picked the one above because it’s the same model that epilated a patch on my leg. I don’t test every product I write about here, but I tested this epilator enough to say that it hurts exactly as much as you’d think to have hundreds of your leg hairs ripped out one after the other.

It was bad enough to do this on my shin, so I was horrified to read that several customers reportedly run this hell-plucker over their armpit, and one used it to rip out her pubes. I can’t imagine.



A Two Dollar Bill

two-dollar-bill

This two-dollar bill costs $9.98. In fact, there are a ton of two-dollar bills being sold online for inflated prices.

Most banks will give you a two-dollar bill for exactly two dollars, if you want one. If you want a whole bunch, they can usually get you as many as you want with some advance notice. They’re cool as long as you don’t become that smug guy who pushes them on idiot teens in big-box stores and then sneers “IT’S LEGAL TENDER. BET YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT VINYL RECORDS ARE EITHER.”

A Ball Sack For Girls

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It’s a “Ball Sack” for girls! It’s funny because it’s a golf ball and not a testicle, which is a sex organ that a male animal has. It says “Girls need balls to golf” because most women aren’t born with testicles, which are called “balls” for slang!

So, this is stupid, and nobody wants it, right? Nope. It’s one of the top-selling golf accessories.



The World Records Of Sex

sexworldrecords

This book would have some potential if it weren’t full of entries like “In 1954, a man ejaculated 15 ml.” That’s all it says on the topic, no name, no source.

I’m sure the contents of this book were scraped together from a few websites and condensed into a crummy Kindle book in a couple of days, but I’d like to imagine that the author compiled it from his own research, hours and hours of knocking on doors, asking people “So, ever have a really large nude wedding? No? Okay, how about a… (looks at paper) anal gangbang with over 40 participants? No? Okay, thanks for your time.”

(If you’re in the mood for more unverifiable “sex world records”, there is, as always, the “look inside” link.)






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.