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Ass Scams

weight-gain-pills

“This product did not work at all,” one reviewer complained about Weight Gain Formula, a pill which claims to cause ass-based weight gain after taking it for six to eight weeks. Of course it didn’t! You’ll need to eat more and exercise less if you want to gain weight. The thermodynamics of fat storage are well-studied.

“Major Curves Butt Enhancement Dietary Supplement” has received similar complaints, along with a customer review saying “My man said my but feel heavier”, which they didn’t seem to construe as an enhancement.

“Brand New Booty” works equally well (i.e. not at all) and comes with the benefit of a rap-inspired bottle design and a higher price. Personally, though, I think the best butt-product of all is Butt Enhancement Cream, which comes with a weirdly uninspiring butt pic posted by a customer. With an ass like that, who would doubt it’s the most expensive ass-scam available online?      



The Lazy Atheist’s Bible

some-made-up-guy-bible

Some asshole took the entire text of the King James Bible and word-replaced “God” with the phrase “SOME MADE UP GUY.” He’s released almost 300 other bible-derivatives, each of which replaces the word “God” with a millennial’s name. “In the beginning, Isabella created the heaven and the earth,” begins The Holy Isabella Bible.  As they’ve done since the beginning of religion, atheists go out of their way to prove that the only thing worse than someone who disagrees with your fundamental ideas about the universe is an asshole who agrees with you.

Read while laying down

prism-glasses

These glasses let you read or watch television while laying down. They only work if you don’t need prescription glasses, so for the majority of people who’d use these, they’re useless. The only real use for these glasses is:

eye-glasses

 

Which is great, but if you just want weird eyes, “Anime Eyeglasses” give you the big, creepy eyes of your dreams without having to lay down to see anything.









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