Randomly Selected Foreign Coin


This is a listing for a single, randomly-selected foreign coin. The description refers to “The coin you receive”. Yet, the customer reviews complain that “I feel I was mislead” because the picture shows a pile of coins. That’s what happens when you buy a single coin for three bucks and change instead of a bag of 50 random foreign coins for $11, or a quarter-pound of foreign coins for $9, or an entire pound of them for $19.

None of them are as bad as buying a bunch of North Korean currency, which indirectly supports the most oppressive and horrible nation currently on our planet. Sure, it’s fucked up to wear a shirt that says “I Love North Korea”, but at least the money stays in the hands of a shitty t-shirt business.

The Billionaire Dinosaur Industry


As implausible as it sounds, a ripoff book has stepped in to steal the thunder from A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay, a book I wrote about a few months back. This one is called Taken By A Billionaire Dinosaur Part Two: Jurassic Boner. You can “Look Inside” to read a bit of it on the product listing, but why? Just reflect on the phenomenon. This is the world we live in. We’re never leaving this planet. We’re stuck here with the dinosaurs, and they’re rich, and they want to fuck.

The Author Keeps Going


I wrote about this book just a few months ago, pointing out how the author writes long diatribes to explain why his book is good in response to every single piece of criticism he receives. He’s still going, and has racked up over a thousand posts, lecturing commenters on why his book is a modern classic. It’s a rabbit hole of insanity, but poking your head in won’t hurt if you can keep your grip on reality.

Lester’s Sodas


I had the misfortune of trying several of Lester’s Fixins sodas this week. The most palatable of them was the Sweet Corn soda, above, which tasted like drinking the liquid from a can of canned corn. The Coffee soda tasted like sugar-water with just a whiff of coffee in it. The Buffalo Wing soda was a sickly-sweet combination of vinegary pepper-sauce and lemon.

The worst, though, was the Peanut Butter and Jelly soda, which tasted kind of like a dog spitting some old Mr. Pibb into your mouth. It was fake-grapey, with a hint of something menacing and rotten in there somewhere that lingered for hours after I’d brushed my teeth.

I guess if you order five-dollar single bottles of soda, you don’t get what you want, but you probably get what you ask for.

Nipples for your nipples


These are “realistic” nipple pasties, which are shaped like nipples, which you glue over your nipples so no one can see your nipples. Don’t ask me, I wasn’t the one who made graphic mass-murder OK for everyone including kids to watch on TV, but made nipples illegal forever for everyone.

Uncensored picture is on the product listing, if you don’t know what a nipple looks like. (I blurred it here since some of you have jobs.)

TWTFS is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to We are not affiliated with the manufacturers whose products appear on TWTFS.