Cryptocurrency t-shirts


Bitcoin, somehow, keeps increasing in value, and along with it, alternate currencies are capturing billions of dollars of wealth. Now that it’s regularly being covered in the mainstream media, and the average person understands it’s worth a shitload of money (if you can convert it back to dollars, which is more difficult than it seems) it’s dumber than ever to wear cryptocurrency shirts. (See this case of a guy who was kidnapped and had $1,800,000 worth of Bitcoin stolen at gunpoint.)

“Crypto Millionaire” is an obvious one, because it literally begs someone to steal your money, but the “99 Problems But My Bitcoin Ain’t One” shirt isn’t much better. And “Bitcoin Whale” literally means “I have a shitload of Bitcoin.” More obvious even than Bitcoin Whale is “I bought before it reached $10.000.”

Tangentially, the “Jesus Loves Bitcoin” shirt, while not an overt advertisement for your crypto-wealth, is only for people who never heard what Jesus did to the moneychangers.

Anyway, if you get biffed over the head with a rock in a sock while you’re waiting for your UberX, and someone steals your Monero, Ripple, or Ethereum by forcing you to authenticate a currency transfer, as this shirt says, “told ya.”

Let Your Dog Page You With PawCall


The PetChatz PawCall is a “smart button” that alerts you when your pet wants to talk to you. The button also dispenses a treat. By letting your pet use this, you are using food as a reward to train them to repeatedly alert your phone while you’re at work or in another room of the house.

It works exclusively with PetChatz HD, a two-way video and audio system mounted at animal-height on your wall to allow your pet to video-chat with you while you’re at work. PetChatz doesn’t just dispense treats and prison-phone your animal, it releases PetChatz essential oil to “calm your pet.”


The Liquid Vitamin Machine


The Tespo is a countertop appliance into which you insert disposable pods, containing powdered multivitamins, which the machine mixes with water, and which you then drink. Its manufacturers push the idea that traditionally cheap, ubiquitous vitamin pills contain “junk,” a problem remedied by purchasing vitamin pods from Tespo. As you might expect, the machine itself has mixed reviews, with some customers saying that it broke quickly, and others pointing out that, like the Juicero, you can squeeze the vitamin powder out of the pods using your hands, obviating the need for the machine.

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Contact drew at or tweet him @TWTFSale.