The Wrong Way To Sell Leggings

plus-size-leggings

If you’re trying to sell leggings to plus-sized women, you might want to have a regular woman just wear it like a human, instead of stuffing a skinny person into one half of them and holding them out like Jared Fogle. (The average adult woman in the USA wears a size 14, which is very nearly “plus-sized” to begin with, just as a point of reference.)

It’s not just this item, either – they sell this skirt-legging in the same “haha fat” way. All of their items have collected a number of negative reviews, but they still seem to think it’s funny to sell large clothing like this.



The Wedding Ring Casket

wedding-ring-casket

This is a tiny casket that lets you bury your wedding ring after you get divorced.



Fuck A Football

fantasy-football-stroker

The upside of Fantasy Football Stroker isn’t that you can fuck the football. It’s that when you wear this shirt, nobody’ll know that you’re referring to fucking a plastic football.

(I blurred the entrance and exit of the football pic here due to the bizarre regulations on nudity that exist in our culture. Blame society, not me.)

What Is The Go Plate?

the-go-plate

The Go Plate is a plastic plate that fits over a beer bottle, to theoretically make it easier to eat an enormous bowl of food and drink a bottle of beer while you’re standing up. The practical solution to this is multiple trips to the food line, or a table, or a ledge, or sitting down, or anything.

Capitalism being what it is, if you feel this plate-and-drink setup is somehow optimal, but you drink wine, fear not: there is Wine’n'Dine, a one-handed plastic contraption that holds both food and a glass of wine. There’s even Gourmet Acacia Wood Cocktail Plates, which is a wooden version of Wine’n'Dine, with an accordingly more-expensive price tag, and charming photos of a snack consisting of eight grapes and two cubes of cheese.

And finally, for the person who prefers quantity over quality, there is this 2-quart galvanized-steel funnel into which you can pour any soft food, and/or any combination of liquids, to ensure a perfect party experience. Just dump your edibles and drinkables into the funnel, and straight down it goes, foie-gras style, a half-gallon at a time. This is how we party. We out here.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.