The Worst Things For Sale

The Wrongulator, a calculator that intentionally gives the wrong answer, is a great gift for anyone who works in the medical field. You gave an old guy the wrong amount of heart pills and he died! Pranked!!!

This “system”, which amounts to tubs of whey protein, costs $324.99 for a 30-day supply. Like many dietary hoaxes, it makes the claim of “cleansing” (only your liver and kidneys do that) and “fat burning” (which your body does when you eat fewer calories than your total daily energy expenditure.)

You cannot “cleanse” your body with pills or powders, but for some reason, the FDA hasn’t issued any guidelines regarding the use of the word “detox” or “cleanse.” So you can sell anything with these terms on it without having to prove that your product does these things. (As an aside – the term “natural” is similarly unregulated. You can label literally anything as “natural” and it does not violate FDA or consumer labeling guidelines.)

Did I mention that Isagenix is a multi-level marketing company? I should, because it’s not only an expensive weight loss program, it’s also a pyramid scheme.

“Someone To Cuttle” is, in the author’s words, “Gay Cuttlefish Shapeshifter Erotica.”

Unsurprisingly, customers who purchased it also purchased “The Catgirl And The Orc Woman”, and “There’s an Orc In My Ass!”

This computer mouse hides a digital scale inside and has a little compartment to stash a tiny amount of weed. This would be more practical if a desktop computer wasn’t a big square box with a ton of empty space where you could put a full-sized scale and several ounces of weed.

Customers who bought this also bought a plastic bic lighter that you can store an even tinier amount of weed in. Who are all these customers and what are they doing with their tiny pieces of weed?

The manufacturer says these cufflinks are “great for the boater, camper, hiker, hunter or outdoor enthusiast.” Who the hell goes hiking in a dress shirt with cufflinks?

Macho Man slammed a big nelson down on the Hulkster. “You’re about to get wrestled!” he yelled. Then, he pushed a big toilet out in the ring, and he made Hulk poop on it, and Hulkster was crying, and everyone saw him, and saw his poop, even the Ultimate Warrior.

Recreate this amazing scenario with the WWE Hardcore Toilet For Wrestling Action Figures. It’s a toilet for your wrestling action figures.

In case you’re one of those “bacon guys” who is also planning for a pending world apocalypse, canned bacon might be just what you need for your basement. The manufacturer claims it stays edible for 10 years after purchase. Of course, if the world has ended, it’ll probably be hard to get a refund if your bacon’s bad.