Sun Mullet

sun-mulletThe Sun Mullet is a mullet emulator that works with your baseball hat or head to give you a simulated cloth-based mullet. The manufacturer claims it can be used 8 ways, and demonstrates them in a lengthy series of pictures I don’t have room to post here. But I’ll show you just one more, to give you a taste of what awaits.


the Department Of Erections


This Halloween costume is an orange jumpsuit with a prosthetic boner. I’ve done you the favor of cropping the image, but you can click through to the full picture if you’re wondering what the boner looks like.

50 Shades Of Bacon


What’s worse than a poorly-written book on domestic violence thinly veiled as a romance novel? A parody of that book, written about the internet’s favorite food, bacon. One of the two authors describes himself as having a “passion for bacon.” We live in a world full of art, drama, music, prose, poetry, and animal videos, and your passion is bacon? Fucking bacon, the pork food? I want you to return all the oxygen you have ever breathed to the world, this instant.

How To Rap


The book “How To Rap” provides the answer to your question “How do I say words at the same time as a beat?” The answer is that you say words at the same time & you make them rhyme. You wouldn’t have figured that out from listening to rap, of course. The book is full of quotes from rappers that amount to “Sometimes I use things from my real life and sometimes I make things up.”

For those more willing to read a book than listen to rap and practice rapping, there is How To Rap 2. Which gives such amazing advice as “sometimes you can mix singing and rapping”, and “Grunt, laugh, and make miscellaneous sounds.” Somewhere, someone in the world is reading this book and thinking “Damn! I didn’t know I could grunt on a rap song! Finally, my rap career is going to take off!”

Fluorescent Green Toilet Paper


Regular toilet paper is white, meaning that it will match any color or combination of colors you use in your bathroom. But maybe you’re tired of seeing brown butt-dirt on that clean white paper, and you need a different color to offset what you didn’t digest. That’s an OK feeling to have, because feelings are natural. Just be prepared to pay a lot for a three-pack of your green toilet paper, and also for me to say your natural feelings are stupid.

Sorry. If you wanted to be a teacher or you wanted to learn to paint I’d tell you to go for it.

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Contact drew at or tweet him @TWTFSale.