12 February, 2016
12 February, 2016
11 February, 2016
The vendor of “Real Human Skull With Carrying Case” brags that it was ethically sourced. Since they don’t clarify what that means, I’ll leave the philosophical implications of an ethical way to acquire the skull of a once-living person as an exercise for the reader. For the price, though, the damn thing had better been inside someone important at some point.
10 February, 2016
Someone made a fake 21-minute sequel to Back To The Future, calling it Back To The Future 1V. They describe it as “sequal”, which, along with the long list of angry one-star reviews, should tell you how good it is.
9 February, 2016
8 February, 2016
“Weather sticks will tell you what the weather is doing,” brags the manufacturer of the Davis Hill Weather Stick. It’s not that they’re necessarily wrong – it’s made of a balsam fir branch and part of the trunk. The fibers in the wood on one side of the branch contract or expand as the relative humidity in the air changes, causing the stick to bend up or down. It’s just that you can get a digital hygrometer for about the same price without nailing a stick to the side of your house.
As reviews of a competing weather stick show (this one with “extra” “quotation” “marks” has the best title) the Weather Stick engages the same anti-intellectual reflex that some have toward scientific progress. “Love watching the weather stick,” says one. “Better than weather man who is never right,” adds another. If you think I’m exaggerating, this guy (in a review of a third brand of Weather stick) claims that the stick itself improved the weather.
The idea that that world has passed you by is frightening to everyone. The first time a child buzzed by me on an electric scooter, wearing a shirt covered in emojis, and called me a “fuckboy,” I was taken aback. But I didn’t nail a stick to my house and start calling climate-change scientists “warmies.”
7 February, 2016
6 February, 2016
How will you die? The mystery lingers over all of us, with a panoply of ailments and accidents we dare not speak for fear it would curse us to the same fate. But for those who buy this backpack attached to a gas engine and giant propeller, the answer is clear: You will hit a cliff, you will fall, the blades will lacerate you. You will drown in the ocean. You will become trapped in a tree. The details are up for debate, but at the end of it all, you will die as a result of hooking a parachute and propeller to yourself.