The Worst Things For Sale

Craniopagus is the condition when twins are born and conjoined at the head. Why you’d want a mannequin to suffer from this, I’m not entirely sure. It’s worth reading the manufacturer’s description for their confusing justification of why they’d do something this grotesque, at least.

Then again, at least they’re not trying to sell a two-headed anorexic doll to children.

I’ve never seen someone sit in a chair as uncomfortably as this woman. Bookniture is what she’s sitting on. It’s a book that folds out into, apparently, the world’s least comfortable stool. It costs way, way more than you’d think some folded-up cardboard would cost.

The Qwerkywriter is a keyboard for your iPad that turns your iPad into a typewriter. The only good thing I can say about the Qwerkywriter is that it’s at least not made out of an entire real typewriter, like this monstrosity.

These meat-flavored candy canes sound gross, sure, but what do customers say?

(Spoiler alert: Customers hate them. Read the reviews.)

The main issue with the Oregon Trail Card Game is that Oregon Trail wasn’t really a fun game. It was “fun” to play as a kid because you got to use the computer in your elementary school classroom for something other than LOGO or typing. Which is not to say the price of it isn’t insane, even if you’re the kind of person who would cosplay an Oregon Trail character.

This box of 12 tubes of penis-shaped lipstick (check out the customer pictures if you can’t imagine with your mind what a penis-shaped lipstick would look like) is a little over a buck a tube. That’s pretty cheap, if you don’t mind the obvious downside to penis lipstick.

Charming as sixty seconds of streaming video, and surprisingly uninteresting for 26 straight minutes on DVD, Nora The Piano Cat is a cat who, technically, plays piano. If you’re going to drop a few bucks on bad piano playing, you should probably go with the H. Jon Benjamin jazz album, whose conceit is that HJB doesn’t know how to play piano, but does anyway.