Coconut Oil Doesn’t Cure Anything

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I’ll make this short: no, coconut oil does not cure cancer, diabetes, or heart disease. It’s non-toxic, edible, and can moisturize your skin and hair, but it doesn’t make you lose weight or modulate the response of your immune system in any significant way.

It’s by scamlord Bruce Fife, the “Natural Doctor” (not Ph.D) who also wrote a book saying that swishing coconut oil in your mouth can cure arthritis and fibromyalgia.



Sweet Corn, And Other Lester’s Sodas

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I had the misfortune of trying several of Lester’s Fixins sodas this week. The most palatable of them was the Sweet Corn soda, above, which tasted like drinking the liquid from a can of canned corn. The Coffee soda tasted like sugar-water with just a whiff of coffee in it. The Buffalo Wing soda was a sickly-sweet combination of vinegary pepper-sauce and lemon.

The worst, though, was the Peanut Butter and Jelly soda, which tasted kind of like a dog spitting some old Mr. Pibb into your mouth. It was fake-grapey, with a hint of something menacing and rotten in there somewhere that lingered for hours after I’d brushed my teeth.

I guess if you order five-dollar single bottles of soda, you don’t get what you want, but you probably get what you ask for.

Billionaire Dinosaur Orgy

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As implausible as it sounds, a ripoff book has stepped in to steal the thunder from A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay, a book I wrote about a few months back. This one is called Taken By A Billionaire Dinosaur Part Two: Jurassic Boner. You can “Look Inside” to read a bit of it on the product listing, but why? Just reflect on the phenomenon. This is the world we live in. We’re never leaving this planet. We’re stuck here with the dinosaurs, and they’re rich, and they want to fuck.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.