The Potato Buds That Broke Them

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The bevy of commenters on this innocuous box of Betty Crocker Potato Buds have gathered in the review section to gnash their teeth and wail at the changing of the Betty Crocker Potato Buds formula.

I could just bawl. I loved Potato Buds for thirty years and I will never buy them again, instead I’ll try all the other brands. I got at least four people (who said they would never eat instant mashed potatos) hooked on Potato Buds, because they were so different and so good. Now, they’re not buds any more.

This is just a sampling. You should probably read the rest.



Tag Away, The Skin Tag Remover

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“Tag Away”, which claims to be seen on television (what channel? the Skin Tag Network?) also claims that it removes skin tags. Which it doesn’t, because it’s homeopathic, meaning it doesn’t contain any active ingredients.

Somehow, though, where most homeopathic treatments consist of just water, Tag Away manages to pack some foul-smelling “natural” ingredients into its $16.49 half-ounce bottle, a combination of leaf oils and “other natural ingredients.” Customers report that, as you might expect, it doesn’t work, and it smells like shit.

Domo Toaster

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This Domo-Kun toaster is a great gift for the toast eater who prefers his bread half-untoasted, half-burned-to-shit.



“I Have A Clean”: Martin Loofah King

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“I have a clean!” Thanks once again, capitalism, for reminding us that one of the greatest Americans in history can be reduced to a joke for a few thousand bucks. We laugh and destroy the few people willing to put their lives at stake to ensure a better future for the next generation. One day the sun will swallow the Earth, and the rest of the universe will breathe a sigh of relief.



Why Hangover Prevention Doesn’t Work

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Hangovers, the collective name for the symptoms you experience after a period of heavy drinking, are thought to be caused by a number of factors. The main one, though, is dehydration. You can mitigate your hangovers by drinking a ton of water before and while and after you drink, but most people don’t do this, because it makes you have to piss constantly, or you forget because you’ve been drinking, or you maybe fall asleep on the couch. Just like any other mild, nonfatal irritation, quacks are everywhere and they want to sell you hangover remedies.

Take Bytox Hangover Prevention Patch, for example. The manufacturer instructs you to “stay hydrated” during use. Which is, of course, the main thing that remediates hangover symptoms to begin with.

Next, look at Hangunder: Undo Your Hangover. The instructions are to mix the powder with twelve ounces of water.

I’m sure you get the picture, but the instructions for PreToxx For Hangovers are to take two pills with a full glass of water. Drinkwel: The Multivitamin For People Who Drink instructs you to take three pills with a glass of water when you drink.  Hangover Guardian says to take one or two pills and “drink plenty of water.” Blowfish For Hangovers instructs you to dissolve two tablets in 16 ounces of water.

Just like homeopathy, hangover remedies attempt to sell you a placebo… but unlike homeopathy, they don’t even give you the water to go with it.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.