What kind of world would you live in where you need to open bottles, but can’t, because you’re not at home, and not in a bar, and you don’t have your keychain, but your dog is with you? The Dog Collar Bottle Opener world, I suppose.
At last, humanity has created the pinnacle of scientific achievement. No, not curing disease, achieving immortality, or even allowing all seven billion of us to live in peace with one another. It’s The Selfie Toaster, which burns a picture of your own face into bread. Like this:
“What the fuck, dad?!” screams this child’s dubious face, as his father carries him on SaddleBaby, a contraption engineered to injure young fathers. Most of the reviews note that the device is incredibly uncomfortable to use, as you’d imagine, and turns the simple act of carrying a young child on your shoulders into an expensive hellride.
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