Monthly Archives: March 2017

The Basslet


The physical experience of a subwoofer in your car, at home, in a theater, or at a live music event, is that your entire body feels the lower frequencies in the music. An aural experience becomes tactile, like the scent and taste of your food combining to provide a richer experience than either one alone could. The Basslet, on the other hand, vibrates your wrist from your iPhone, providing you with the underwhelming experience of your wrist vibrating. It’s almost as if…. drumroll… they thought of the name first.

There’s only one way you could use the Basslet to subwoofer your body, and that would be to shove it up your ass. You won’t be surprised to learn that there’s already a product that does this very thing. (It could very well be “not safe for work”, so I’ll just put the link here.) Sadly, it’s not called The Buttwoofer.

Adult Hopper Ball


This inflatable horse is the adult version of the children’s toy that does the very same thing. If you want to dress like a cowboy and hop around on an inflatable horse, I guess it’s the thing you want. But you should really see the photoshopped picture of a cowboy and cowgirl hopping around a western landscape that’s in the manufacturer’s gallery. And if that isn’t enough, you need to see the guy in a suit hopping around on a giant inflatable emoji.

Butter Saver


The Butter Saver is a single $13 piece of rubber you put on the end of a butter stick to “save” it. There’s no telling what you’d be saving it from, because butter keeps more or less indefinitely inside your refrigerator.

There’s also the fact that unless you unwrap the whole stick of butter at once, it’s still mostly covered in wax paper, and the loose end of the wax paper can be wrapped around the cut end of the butter once you cut a slice off. And the small detail that many customers report that the Butter Saver doesn’t stay on the stick of butter, or doesn’t fit on it to begin with.

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