The next time you want to give your dog a special treat, strap on a latex glove and express the hell out of his anal glands. It’s cheaper and the dog won’t wonder why you’re always chugging beef broth when you watch TV after work.
It’s 2019, which means “Naruto 2009” is ten years old. It’s a rap album about the anime Naruto. It’s not just a retelling of the story, though. It’s a concept album where Eddie Rath is inside the world of Naruto and describes himself sword-fighting and fucking the different characters.
The Norpro 370 Bread Slicer is a way to slice bread into uniform slices. Until the industrial revolution gives bread factories the technology to slice our bread for us, this is the best we’ve got.
Maybe you’re reading this and saying “But I make my own bread!” or “But I want to cut bread with this!” Then you’ll still be interested that this plastic piece of shit has over 400 reviews, who all seem to agree that they wish they could adjust the thickness of the slices, or wish that it wasn’t flimsy, or that the crumb catcher worked. Or that we’re marooned on this idiot-ass rock with 7 billion other lumps and our two choices are either that someone intentionally made us all to be miserable, or that we came about as an emergent property of the laws of physics and will simply cease to exist at death. I just wanted to cut my bread.
Reiki is the ancient Japanese art of healing through touch. “Essential Reiki” is the “Complete Guide” to it. As you might imagine, multiple medical studies throughout the years have found it to be ineffective in the treatment or prevention of any medical condition.
The practice itself, though dangerous to your wallet, is pretty inoffensive. The practitioner holds their hands on various parts of your body, and pretends that magic healing rays are coming out of them, and then you pretend to be healed. The only problem I see with this is that one of the main “focus areas” is the perineum, but as far as that goes, if you’ve never had an old hippie lady get down under your balls and feel around, you haven’t truly lived life.
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