Monthly Archives: May 2019

Brownie Math

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Everyone likes the edge brownies. The caramelized crispness of the edges are a nice contrast to the soft, fudgy interior of the brownie. “But what,” your brain asks itself, in a quest for more serotonin, “what if every brownie was an edge brownie?”

Sure, you could buy this special pan for $35.99. Or you could just pour your brownie batter into muffin tins, which you already have, giving you more brownie-edge per unit of batter. (Muffin tins have a perimeter-to-area ratio of 1.6. This pan has a perimeter-to-area ratio of 0.55.)

Did I just change your brownie-baking life? Yes? Good, then we’re both ashamed, me for the brownie math, you for eating so many fucking brownies.

 



Lobster phone case

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They laughed at me for wearing cargo pants, until they needed somewhere to put their lobsterphone. Now who’s laughing. Checkmate.

(I was unable to find this for sale anywhere, BTW, but you can’t say I didn’t try.)



Beating Your Way To Success

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There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. But this book tells you to jack off while you read it, to specific situations like a teacher being proud of you, or doing well at work. And you can’t just crank it a little and turn the page. You have to finish the job. To every single page of the book. Read the “Click To Look Inside!” to see what I’m talking about.

(By the way, this is not the first product I’ve written about where I’m 99% sure the creator thought of the title first.)

The Hill-Wheel

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As a parent, I’m always looking for ways to send my child rolling down a steep hill, into a lake, onto a busy road, or even over a cliff. That’s why I like the Little Tikes Bumper Wheel.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.