They laughed at me for wearing cargo pants, until they needed somewhere to put their lobsterphone. Now who’s laughing. Checkmate.

(I was unable to find this for sale anywhere, BTW, but you can’t say I didn’t try.)

Everyone likes the edge brownies. The caramelized crispness of the edges are a nice contrast to the soft, fudgy interior of the brownie. “But what,” your brain asks itself, in a quest for more serotonin, “what if every brownie was an edge brownie?”

Sure, you could buy this special pan for $35.99. Or you could just pour your brownie batter into muffin tins, which you already have, giving you more brownie-edge per unit of batter. (Muffin tins have a perimeter-to-area ratio of 1.6. This pan has a perimeter-to-area ratio of 0.55.)

Did I just change your brownie-baking life? Yes? Good, then we’re both ashamed, me for the brownie math, you for eating so many fucking brownies.

This tiny bottle of “flower essence” costs $12.99 and promises to calm you down and help your anxiety. It’s probably not the flower essence doing that, though. It’s probably the 27% alcohol content.

If you love the environment but hate your neighbors, the refillable Ecoblast airhorn is for you. No need to conserve your airhorning for the rare occasion you actually might need it. Airhorn the night away, every night.

FINALLY! Bic figured out that women can’t use something unless it’s in a pastel color and says FOR WOMEN on it, so they decided to make lilac, coral, pink, and aqua-colored ballpoint pens. Across the world, billions of women stood up and cheered. Now, after all these years, they would finally be able to use a pen.

The new SimCity came out yesterday. But you have to connect to the publisher’s servers to play it… and they’re not working at all. Read the 300+ hilariously-angry, chest-thumping one-star reviews to see just how mad people get about video games.

Comic Sans is the world’s best font. So it’s great that someone has created templates to use with your router, so that you can make wooden Comic Sans signs. Of course (as you can see above) it includes an apostrophe, for all your extra-apostrophe’s need’s. Engrave you’re sine with Comic San’s.