Rules For Dating My Daughter: A T-Shirt

These rules are asinine. I have rewritten the top 10 rules for dating my daughter below. They supersede the previous rules.

1. Daughters cannot be created, nor destroyed.

2. No outside food or drinks. They must be purchased from my daughter.

3. An illegal attempt to deceive my daughter will be considered a balk.

4. If my daughter lands on a triple word score, multiply her by three.

5. A daughter in motion will tend to stay in motion.

6. No one may place their hands on my daughter, except for the goalie.

7. My daughter is anonymous. She is legion. She never forgives.

8. You must raise your hand to talk to my daughter.

9. The pressure exerted by my daughter is inversely proportional to her volume, if her temperature remains constant.

10. If this is your first night, you must be my daughter.