This book is now in its 3rd edition and gives you detailed instructions for taking a shit outdoors. It’s sold 2,500,000 copies. The entirety of existence of life on earth, lasting billions of years, has involved shitting outside on the ground, yet this book exists and is a best-seller.

If you’re in the target market for this book, you might also want Sex In A Tent, an instructional manual for having sex outdoors. Another basic component of mammalian biology that you somehow fail to grasp. Lord knows how you feed yourself.

The TowlHub is a 4-port USB charger combined with a paper towel holder. It’s $49.99, which is a small price to pay for keeping thousands of dollars of tablets and phones right next to your kitchen sink.

In 2003, “Macho Man” Randy Savage recorded a rap album. It’s out of print, of course, but it’s apparently collectible.

There are few things that age more poorly than video-game references, and “Arrow In The Knee (Skyrim Rap)” illustrates this point well.

I made that GIF from the video for “Infinite (BioShock Rap)”, by the same guy who did the Skyrim rap.

If it’s been a while since you dipped your toe into the apocalyptic fringe, why not have a look today? “The Prepper: Part One”, “Oh Sh!t… The Awakening”, “Grid Down: Perceptions of Reality”, “Society’s Collapse: A Long Road Ahead”, and “Equipping Modern Patriots” are some of the best-selling books in the genre of Prepper Fiction, a masturbatory fantasy by and for people who keep food and guns in their basement. The message, of course, is that it’s actually good and smart to hoard bullets and bags of rice, not a delusion or fantasy about using the end of society to acquire the power and resources they lack here in the real world.

In case you’re not tempted yet to hit the “look inside” link to read these (which you can do on the product page) – each and every one has a monologue by at least one character about how Obama caused the fictional apocalypse, via power failure, cyber-attack, or nuclear blast.

Tired of the non-adventure of sleeping on a bed moored to the earth by the simple force of gravity? Why don’t you hammer a metal hook into the face of a steep cliff and sleep there? For only $699.95, the pleasure can be yours.

For only $199, you can buy The KettleClamp, a kettlebell handle that attaches to a dumbbell, to turn your dumbbell into a kettlebell, kind of.

Or you could buy this $34.95 kettlebell handle, which uses standard barbell plates, which you probably already have, if you’re lifting weights in the first place.