Cheetahmen II is the sequel to the terrible game Cheetahmen, released in the early 90s on a Nintendo cartridge called “Action 52.” This was a cartridge which held 52 different terrible games, and retailed for $199. For a single game. I remember renting this piece of shit when I was a kid and feeling cheated out of two bucks. Plunking down almost two hundo would have been emotionally shattering. Cheetahmen was one of the 52 games on there, and it was as horrible as the other 51, being mostly un-fun and somewhat unplayable. Keep in mind that in 1992, your other options for fun, apart from Nintendo, were playing outside or watching TV, so it wasn’t competing against much, but it still lost.

The manufacturers decided to make a sequel, and cranked out Cheetahmen II, which, despite the fact that it’s reportedly worse than the first game, is now a collectible, selling for almost $400. I can’t believe this shitty game is still haunting the world. If we can’t get rid of Cheetahmen, we don’t have a chance at conquering true injustice.

The Nubrella is a “hands-free umbrella” perfect for the space-traveling flight attendant in your life. Make sure you see the other pictures on the manufacturer’s listing, so you can see how the manufacturer suggests you use your Nubrella. (Hint: Snow tractor.)

This tasteful ring is available in sizes 5 through 15. In case you’re wondering “who would buy that?” it has 16 customer reviews.

It’s insane that a 64GB memory card for the Playstation Vita, which has been out for two years now, is still over $100. A 64GB SD card, also made by Sony, is only $38.95. And you can use that in a camera, or for files, or lose it in your couch. Not that I have ever done that with a tiny, weightless piece of plastic.

With the Scatola del Tempo armored watch-winding cabinet, you’ll never need a watch butler to wind your watches ever again! It holds 32 watches and is only $76,600.00. Plus shipping.

Any pen will shoot a rubber band. You stretch a rubber band over the end of it, pull it back, and let it go. But feel free to buy a special pen to shoot rubber bands if you can’t understand this extremely basic application of “bored in English class” physics.

In case your driving itself wasn’t enough of a danger, or your car a spoiler-laden, muffler-farting hellride, now you can attach spinning LEDs to your wheels to complete your lifelong quest of being a bad driver.