The worst part of Yummy Cum is not the name, surprisingly, but the fact that the manufacturer warns, “Check with your doctor first.” Okay, let me go take this sex bottle to my doctor and ask him if it’s okay to take an unregulated combination of plant extracts to blast flavor out of my balls. I’m sure that will be worth spending two hours in his office, plus the co-pay for the office visit.

“I thought this was going to be a book full of jokes,” reads a one-star review by “steve.”

Wondering how to take six bottles of beer from one place to another? I present to you “Wooden Six Pack Beer Tote”, an expensive yet necessary accessory for the person who drinks bottles of beer.

You know what would be handy? If beer came in some sort of multi-beer holder, made out of cardboard, when you bought it from the store. Oh well.

After decades of haunting Easter baskets with its cummy center, the Cadbury Creme Egg is now available in fall as the Cadbury Screme Egg.

It’s second in candy-borne terror only to Sour Watermelon Mini Peeps, another formerly-Easter-only candy which is now available at Halloween. If that sounds gross, yes, according to reviews, they’re gross.  

The WeMo 6-Quart Crock Pot ($$$$$) allows you to control your crock pot with your phone. This is “convenient,” somehow, even though a regular crockpot has a dial on the front, requires no phone interfacing, and is $30.

Why cut someone once with a single blade when you can freaking destroy them with one slash of this six-bladed knuckle-knife?

If that doesn’t do it for you, how about a knife dragon whose nine legs are all knives?