“Ear No Evil” is two pieces of plastic you wear over your ears, if you’re an asshole. It costs $7.99 and is available in both Trump and Clinton versions. God forbid you talk to someone who isn’t voting for the same person.

Guys, if you want your “Floating Island” to truly be camouflaged, you might want to make it the color of the lake. Or set that bad boy up in the forest. Or buy this enormous pizza floatie instead. Either way, you’re also going to need this floating fake-turd to keep your fake-turd game strong while you’re out on the water with your friends.

The theory goes that you would buy this ten-pack of magnets and then put them on someone else’s car to tell them to park better. This would, however, make you a much bigger asshole than someone who didn’t align their car in a parking spot to your specifications. A similar business-card-based product exists, but purchasing 100 of them might be even worse, as it implies you’re in the amateur-parking-cop game for the long haul.

One cup of coffee for Dad, and one glass of wine for Mom.

The best part of the Squirrel Toilet Paper holder isn’t the holder itself, but the “Customers Who Bought This Also Bought.” (Here’s the also-bought, to save you a click.)

You may not have seen the reviled Google Glass around for a couple of years, but don’t worry – they’re still available and still cost an insane amount of money.

The Shocker, a hand gesture from 2003-ish (not quite a joke, though treated by some as if it were) lives on in hat form. It’s by the makers of Cheeseburger Hat. Which is frequently bought with Pumpkin Pie Hat. The hat rabbit hole goes deep, so if you’re in the mood for “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought,” follow one of those links and see where you end up.