This children’s shirt manages to convey hatred for homosexuals, the poor, sex workers, and children in only nine words. That puts it pretty squarely in the running to be the next Republican presidential candidate.

The iCog Hades turns your sleek, light iPad Air into a heavy, huge wooden monstrosity that somehow also requires 2 AA batteries to operate. As you can see in the other pictures, it opens up to reveal a steampunk typewriter (of course.)

Bragging that it has “relevant memes” for 2016, this e-book continues the practice of scraping bottom-of-the-barrel content from the web. Then again, you probably work with someone who has one of these on their desk, and uses the word “meme” as a verb.

Man glitter isn’t a bag full of sawdust. Man glitter is when a man wearing one of these whips a handful of real, tiny, sparkly glitter into the air at a party, laughing hysterically as he imagines you, four years later, trying to vacuum one of those very pieces of glitter out of your living-room carpet.

The perfect gift for the man who doesn’t believe women should have control over their own bodies, and is willing to murder a child to defend that belief.  

This little device is more of a lampshade than a lamp, since you clip it over your phone’s LED light, and then turn the light on. (Here’s what it looks like when it’s turned on.) Of course, you’ll need to plug your phone in while you use it, to keep from draining the battery, and that’s where LampChamp comes in. What is life in 2016 without turning your phone into a lamp and then powering your phone from a second lamp?

The WineOvation is a gun. It’s an electric wine opener. It’s pink “because it’s for girls.” I would have probably called it Cabernet Shootingun, but what do I know.