It’s bad enough that you turn this lamp on and off using its dick. It’s worse that one customer reports that he was sold a bootleg, which means that the lamp is popular enough to be bootlegged.

With most of the things we buy, we can pretend that commerce is simply a pathway from supply to demand. We must have food, so we buy spaghetti. We must get to work, so we go to Truck Month. There’s a clear need for a couch, toilet paper, a charging cable, a weed-whacker, a bottle of vitamins. But products like the Bluetooth Fidget Spinner lay bare the reality that everything is simply a game of pushing your buttons to take your money. The spaghetti has been optimized by making the factory operators who run the spaghetti machines operate at the maximum speed, the suppliers for the ingredients are chosen on price differences of a hundredth of a penny per pound, the wording on the box relentlessly A/B-tested to optimize sales versus their competitors’ identical products. Everything is always like this. It’s just more obvious with the Bluetooth Fidget Spinner.

This vibrating nose-clip is supposed to change the shape of your nose. The only review, from two years ago, is exactly what you’d expect.

Don’t let this boring photo fool you: the manufacturer has composited a pic of a child standing in the driver’s seat of a car, arcing his urine into this bag from afar. I didn’t include it here because I thought you should have the choice of whether or not you wanted to see it.

See also: frog urinal, frog car urinal.