Shittens: Mittens you shit on

Are you mortally terrified that your bare hand might come close to your poop butt? Then check out Shittens, a butt-wipe that fits over your whole hand. The lone positive review said “My ass is just too big [...] inevitably I wound up with poop on the side of my hand, my knuckles, or wrist.” I think the problem this reviewer has could be solved in a better way than Shittens, but I’m glad he no longer has to deal with the horror of shitwrist.