Monthly Archives: February 2019

Snack Holders For Cars


The “Smart Snacker Personal Travel Container” fits in the cupholder of your car and lets you drink soda and eat chips while you’re driving. “Smart snacking” might be a bad name, though, since it could be argued the smartest time to snack is not when you’re in control of a four-thousand-pound metal capsule that explodes gasoline to drag your family across the decaying infrastructure of America.

If you want to make sure your kids don’t miss out on the metabolic joy of trans-fats and sugar, you can install the Auto Back Seat Organizer. The name suggests it’s to be used for files, but the product picture shows TWO sodas, a bigass fries, a hamburger sitting on a pull-out tray, and TWO EXTRA SNACK BOWLS ATTACHED TO THE SIDES.

And, if you want a little more elegance, try the Automobile Swivel Tray, a device that holds a turntable on an extendable arm, to allow you to plop a full plate of food down right next to the steering wheel, and rotate it, if you can’t quite reach some of the food on the plate, because you’ve piled it so high that you can’t touch the other side. The last is especially notable for the customer complaint that – at nearly a foot in diameter – it is not large enough.

The Dog Window


With the Pet Peek Fence Window, you can finally give your loud-ass dog more to bark at. Now he can bark at stuff he hears AND sees. That’s what you need! That’s what your neighbors need! Bark bark bark! Your neighbors love you, and they love your dog, bark bark bark bark bark bark bark

A Book That Advocates Child Abuse


The insanity of “To Train Up A Child” is beyond my description and its cruelty is beyond my grasp. The authors of this book advocate physical abuse of a child beginning in infancy. Not discipline, but active, constant abuse. They recommend you pull an infant’s hair, hard, when he cries or bites a nipple during nursing. They describe, positively, a scenario where a man spanks a 12-month-old child for 45 minutes. As the child ages, the punishments get worse, and I’ll save you the anguish of describing them here. You can read the “Look Inside” sample online if you want to see exactly what they entail, if you have a strong stomach, or if you’d like to seethe in hatred of two of the most horrible people currently alive.

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