The Miracle of Miracle Noodles

“Miracle Noodles” are imitation pasta made with shirataki, which is gel made of glucomannan, an indigestible fiber. They have no calories, no fat, no starch, and no sugar. And they taste mild, so any sauce you cook them in will overwhelm the slightly-off taste of the shirataki. Some dieters love these as a way to fill their stomach with very few calories. (The 450 customer reviews are overwhelmingly positive.)

They sound great, right? I wrote about them here because, not to mince words, if you eat indigestible noodles, you shit indigestible noodles. They don’t get digested. Depending on how much you chew these weird strings, you either shit clumps of tiny little white bits that look like maggots, or clumps of long, entangled white buttworms. Bon appetit!