What, exactly, is a Man Cave?

I’ve pondered this question for years and I think I finally figured out what a “man cave” is. These soy candles tipped me off, because why are you burning a scented candle, Guy Who’s So Manly He Has To Have A Man Cave? And why do they have to be soy? Something’s fucky here.

A man cave is not what it claims to be. If this sign said “Hydrate with wine. I don’t exercise” it would be in your mom’s house, because your mom hung it up there.

A man cave is actually an excuse for a man to decorate a room in his house as if he were a suburban housewife. Look at this precious wooden shelf for “shot glasses.” It’s for Precious Moments figurines, dude. I know what’s up. You got your Precious Moments in there so they don’t knock together and chip the paint.

There’s nothing wrong with being a suburban housewife. I’m not saying there is. You just can’t claim to be doing manly shit in your “cave” if you need a cute throw pillow that matches your other pillows.