Monthly Archives: September 2019

How To Get Pregnant With A Boy

pregnant-with-a-boy

There’s no way of choosing the sex of your baby by having sex at a specific time or in a specific way. But that doesn’t stop people from trying to make money by claiming you can. “How To Get Pregnant With A Boy,” “How To Choose The Sex Of Your Baby,” and “How To Get Pregnant With A Girl” are three self-published titles by three different authors who would like you to believe, to the tune of two to five dollars each, that such a thing is possible.



The Not Very Deadbolt Lock

This absurdly-expensive Bluetooth-enabled deadbolt lock is an excellent way to let someone into your house who has stolen your phone. All they’ll have to do to open your front door is open the app on your stolen phone and click “unlock.”

To make matters worse, it seems to have firmware problems, and as one reviewer noted, “when my phone is in the house, whoever touches the lock can unlock it.” And anyone prowling around the neighborhood can identify this piece of shit from its glowing blue ring of LEDs. Great job, guys.



Not Lighthouses

gummy-lighthouses

“Lovely gift for any lighthouse fan or collector,” says the manufacturer of these “gummy lighthouses.” They don’t really look like lighthouses to me, but maybe I’ve got a penis-based mindset after spending hours looking at dildos and erotic books to post here.

What Do You Do With USB Cufflinks

usb-cufflinks

If you wear these insanely expensive USB cufflinks to a formal occasion where you’d be expected to wear cufflinks, what do you expect to do with them when you’re there?

If you wear them to a place where you wouldn’t be expected to wear cufflinks in the first place, you’re a huge dork.

There is no joy in USB cufflinks.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.