Why buy The WineRack (a bra that holds 25 ounces of wine) when you can stuff three liters of wine into Baggy Winecoat, a purse that you fill entirely with wine?  

Good news: The answer is yes!

Bad news: The answer to all your existential questions is either “mrroww” or “(walks away silently).”

Just because two words sort of fit together, it doesn’t mean the result is going to be a good product. The Sportula exists as proof.

Why would you need a selfie stick when you could have the Cellfy Wrap? It’s a suction-cup device that lets you attach your phone to a tree, so you can take a picture of yourself, using a tree, and your phone. Check out the picture of the lady using it that’s captioned “Nobody around? No problem.”

Just me alone in the woods with my suction cups. Not depressing at all. Right, trees?

Trees?

The picture is what makes this, so I won’t spoil it for you. Go and see for yourself.

For those who can’t get enough digitally-recorded shit-saying, the Swearing Middle Finger is the thing you need. I have a feeling that if you pair it with Polly The Insulting Parrot, you’ll be in infinitely-looping “Fuck Your Big Tits, Dickhead” heaven.

Or “Shit On Butts, Dick Shits” heaven. I guess it depends on what religion you are.

You probably walk the streets of your city or town, anonymous to most, just another face. But with the “Beverage Dispenser”, aka Giant Piss Tube, you could be Piss Tube Man. Think about it. “There goes Piss Tube Man,” they’ll say. Amazing.

If you don’t think carrying a big tube of piss on your back would set the townspeople adrift on a sea of boners, you could always pop for the Triple Piss Tube. Three glorious, giant cylinders of organic lemonade. Mmmmmmm.