Supposedly X-Rated Fortune Cookies

I thought I’d take a moment to write my own x-rated fortune cookies, because these aren’t very “x-rated”, and they’re not funny. If it were up to me:

Tonight, a mysterious presence will crank you off.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a hog-crank.

You will soon embark on a magnificent journey, on a bus, so you don’t have to drive, so you can crank it.

Fortune favors the hog.

Crank the hog while it is still hot.

You can click through to see what they actually say, but I’ll warn you: mine are better.