“Jewelry In Candles” is perplexingly popular this year. It’s a candle, and you burn the candle, and there’s a ring inside. Obviously, it’s a really nice ring, since the candle itself is about twenty bucks.

You’d be better off getting the Kisa cat-shaped candle, which reveals a metal cat skeleton as it burns. But not everyone’s household is brutal enough to handle this.

Garbage Pantz is a plastic cover you put on your outdoor trash can, to make it look like it’s wearing pants. It’s real and people love it.

In an apparent attempt to create the world’s worst alarm clock, the makers of the Secret Agent Alarm Clock created a gun-shaped clock that requires you to depress the trigger to view the time. It’s somehow even less convenient than the alarm clock that flies into the air, emitting a piercing shriek until you plug it back into the base. But it comes with the added bonus of being shaped like a gun, to allow you to be “accidentally” shot by a cop, should you travel with it or have it nearby when they kick your door down without knocking.

I’m not sure you need a Rapid Ramen Cooker to microwave noodles. You could probably use any microwave-safe container. But… what’s this?

Huh. Well, maybe it’s worth the money, if it reduces the sodium, because—

Never mind. 

If you want to let Foodie Dice determine what hip combination of ingredients you should use in your next meal, then go for it. But for my money, the hottest foodie dice you can roll is going to one of your city’s food trucks. Will your artisanally-brilled dog dick give you salmonella? Will it cost $14 or will you luck out and pay only $11? Will you have to wait 30 minutes, or will you get it in a jiffy?

(A jiffy is a food truck term for 22 minutes.)

I can show you almost nothing of this box here on my actual blog (go to the product listing if you’re ready for the hilarity of the actual picture) but I can describe it: a dong, with a tiny butt on the end of the dong, with a big hole in the tiny butt.

The Photojojo Spy Lens lets you photograph subjects at a 90° angle from the way your phone is pointing, so they won’t be able to tell you’re taking a picture of them. It would be easy to play it off as a harmless toy, but the manufacturer’s own pictures show it being used to take a picture of someone on a public bus without their knowledge, as well as someone hanging it around the corner of a locker room, complete with creepy grin.