Yeah, it’s dubious whether standing at a desk all day is practical or has any significant benefits over sitting at a desk. But that’s not why this is here. Nope, it’s because the manufacturer uses a picture of a man standing at his DIY desk on a cliff, overlooking a beach sunset, to sell this piece of shit.

The theremin is probably the most difficult instrument to play accurately, since your hands float in space, making it hard to acquire “muscle memory” for playing individual notes. Building a theremin inside a plastic doll head would make it completely impossible to use.

Only the most brutal of bathrooms can handle the gothic bleakness of black toilet paper. “I am the night,” you’ll whisper, slowly threading the expensive butt-roll through your glutes.

Later, you’ll spill your goblet of blood and reach for the same company’s black paper towels, eyes rolling back into your head as you summon Bountytoth, the Dark Lord of Cleaning.