Onlookers gasp as you pull out your grenade, then sigh in relief when they see you’re actually trying to kill them with a knife.

The Beer Tracker is a bottle-opener that counts how many beers you’ve opened with it. Per the customer reviews, it works about as well as you’d expect.

How could you invent BikeBalls and then sell it as “Heart-Shaped Bike Light”?! You could have at least asked a few cyclists what it’s like to ride a bike and called them NumbNutz or BlueBallz.

The Boys Bible brags “Finally, a Bible that’s just for BOYS!” Apparently the stuff about beating and stoning your wife was too girly.

Is there a Girls Bible? Yes, and it’s called “faithgirlz.”

When I am older, I shall perform the ass-dance, as my elders have instructed.

“PREPARE FOR SOME SERIOUS LAUGHS,” promises the manufacturer of this Donald Trump toilet-paper roll. It’s, not surprisingly, purchased with this roll of novelty toilet paper.

The Dino Pet is a plastic dinosaur-shaped tank filled with plankton, which you feed “Dino Food”, and which rewards you by faintly glowing at night, before the plankton die.