Admit it. You thought of the name “Smencils” before you invented Smencils.

On one hand, your baby can’t read what’s on their bib. On the other hand, almost any other quote would have been more appropriate. And it’s probably not, as the manufacturer claims, “a great gift.”

Sold as “3D Dog Cat” plus 23 other random keywords (you can read the full title on the listing), this product has a 2-dimensional animal photo printed onto a 3d pillow. The manufacturer suggests that it’s “perfect for… hallowmas.” I couldn’t agree more.

The Negg is a boiled-egg peeler. I’ve written about egg products countless times – the Eggstractor, Eggmaster, Egg Genie, Eggbot, and Egg Cuber, to name a few. You’ve been living in the black-and-white world where you can’t cook or eat eggs for too long. Buy one of each and live in the full color, all-smiles universe of Egg Products.

No, it’s not an accessory to beat your meat, or whip your chicken. That’s why it’s got those spikes on the bottom, to keep you from sitting on it. It’s like the spikes they put on signs to keep pigeons off, or the spikes they put in entryways to keep homeless people from sleeping there.

Smile Maker is a plastic appliance you wedge into your mouth, supposedly to train yourself to smile. Here’s what it looks like when it’s in your mouth.

Are you unable to handle asparagus without a specialized container to do it for you? Then you’ll need the Prepara Pod, a standing plastic container to suspended-animate your asparagus or herbs inside your fridge. The nut of the ad copy is “Now that’s better than a damp cloth!”, which is true for a lot of products, but also reveals its unnecesary expense and use of nonrenewable materials.