Dog Treadmill: $799.99

Afflictions of luxury are my favorite afflictions. Take, for example, the dog who is tired of falling off the treadmill at the neighborhood gym, knocking his dog magazine off the tiny treadmill lip, causing everyone else in the room to peel their faces away from Dog Oprah on TV. They stare as he limps back to turn the machine off, feebly using his mini-towel to sop up 16 ounces of dog vitamin water.

That dog shall suffer no more! And I don’t mean euthanasia! I mean his own treadmill, for only $799.99.