The FoodSniffer

The FoodSniffer is an expensive handheld device that connects to your phone and lets you “sniff” meat to tell if it’s gone off. It doesn’t actually detect bacteria in your meat, but rather attempts to analyze the gas in the air around it. The manufacturers admit that it will read incorrectly if it’s used near a gas stove (like the one in your kitchen) or in a room where alcohol is being consumed (also your kitchen.)

You could also learn the basic guidelines for food storage and handling, and use the food sniffer built into your face, both of which are free. But whatever. I’m a writer, not your dad.