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Category Archives: Uncategorized

Whole-House Neutralizer

whole-house-neutralizer

The manufacturers of this absurdly-expensive plug claim that it’s an “EMF Neutralizer” which works across your entire house. That’s impossible, of course, because the main source of EMF in any house with electrical outlets is the 60Hz alternating current available in every room. But that doesn’t stop customers from recommending it to each other, with one even saying “I had my chiropractor test this out.”

If you’ve got a mental problem that makes you think phantom electrical signals are hurting your mind and body, then there’s a more expensive option: the Stetzerizer Microsurge Meter allows you to “measure” these signals. It claims to measure high-frequency noise and harmonics, but instead of reading out in THD (or another relevant unit) the device shows a three-digit number with no units. Despite this, it’s well-rated by its users, one of whom claims “I hear the filters literally zapping the dirty electricity.”

Sack Of Shit

sack-of-shit

I don’t know who would want a bag full of fake turds, but if you do, you can now buy them a “Sack Of Shit.” 

If they’re sensitive to the S-word, but they still want plastic feces, the same manufacturer makes “A Bag Of Poop.”

A different company makes Fake Poop In A Gift Box, but I can’t decide whether enclosing the turd in a golden box tied with a ribbon is better or worse than just throwing it in a bag.



Soylent meal replacement drink

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Soylent is a powdered drink-mix developed by an electrical engineer who decided to “optimize” food by reducing it to a series of identical cummy shakes.

We can only hope that the creator will optimize the human needs for companionship, joy, and achievement in a similar manner.



Fake Pregnancy Tests

positive-preg-test

The world of fake pregnancy tests is a terrible one. The comedy angle (above) is obviously fake, and most of the customers complain that it’s not believable. There’s a different one with a more believable name and packaging (you have to give them credit for naming it Right Time, because if you google “right time pregnancy test”, you’ll just pull up people asking about ovulation cycles.)

But we take a dark turn here, as there’s a company called Midstream which makes several “prank” pregnancy tests out of real ones which they’ve altered and resealed. “No bodily fluids used,” they brag in their altered First Response pee-test listing. There’s a couple others, including a rigged Equate brand pregnancy test, in case it’s more believable that you wouldn’t shell out for the name brand. I was a bit iffy on the morals of selling fake pregnancy tests to begin with, but actually trying to convince someone they’ve knocked you up is clearly over the line.

(Two lines, if you’re pregnant.)









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