“Adulting is hard,” begins the copy on the back of this canister of tea, insultingly. But that’s what you’ve got to do if you want to sell fifteen tea bags for $18.99. You’ve got to target a demographic, use their slang to show you’re a member of their group, and mark your product up relentlessly.

Do they also have a flavor called “Wake The F**k Up”? Of course they do. Same price.

I’m not sure this mug was the best Game Of Thrones derivative you could have made. I feel like there were other ways to put fatherhood and Game Of Thrones into a venn diagram without yielding this particular phrasing.

This desktop horror doesn’t just strangely gyrate at the push of a button. It also plays tinny versions of The Star Spangled Banner and My Country, ‘Tis Of Thee.

The Yeti Bucket (I’ve abbreviated the official 11-word name for the sake of brevity) is a five-gallon plastic bucket that costs $40. You can get a five-gallon bucket at a local hardware store for around $5-7, or, if you’re feeling fancy, you can get Luggable Loo, a five-pound bucket with a toilet seat on top so you can shit comfortably, for $18.

Welcome to 2018. Here’s a five-hour video of vegetables, entitled “Vegetable Meditation.”

It’s become a tradition here on this site to write about New Years’ Glasses, and this year does not disappoint. My favorite, above, is a set of “2010″ glasses where they’ve added an 8 above the last digit. You could have used one of the TWO circles in the numeral 8 to look through, but, no. The eight goes above the 2010. Goodbye 20179 A.D., welcome 20180 A.D.

These glasses miss the mark as well, inserting a hole into the 1 in 2018, seemingly unaware of the context of utilizing an existing hole in a number to look through.

And these glasses, bizarrely, dispense with the whole number-lense thing, floating “2018″ over a 3d-glasses template, and then covering the whole thing in glitter.

I posted these on New Year’s Eve, so you couldn’t buy them in time. I know some of you guys are out there buying the stuff I post. Don’t.

Happy New Year.

Let’s go down the smart-product checklist for Ember, The Smart Coffee Mug:

• Heated and insulated coffee mugs already exist
• Controlling a coffee mug with your phone is unnecessary
• Costs 15 times as much as a normal mug
• Reviews say the battery drains quickly and won’t connect to Bluetooth