Even if you were to ignore the fact that a pistachio that doesn’t open as it’s roasted is immature and doesn’t taste as good as a mature pistachio, the PistachiOpener solves a problem that doesn’t really exist. If you absolutely must eat the few nuts whose shells haven’t fully opened, you can take a half-shell from one you’ve already eaten and use it to pry the closed one open.

Here in America, we misspell our kids’ names, and we love guns. That’s why this sign that spells your name out using pictures of guns and bullets is fully customizable. Be it Jackson, Jakksin, Jaxon, or Jäxynn, you won’t have to live your life without your name in guns, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

As we march powerlessly into the future, Nabisco continues to create Oreo experiments, in this case threatening the legacy of both Fruity Pebbles and Oreos. And this Oreo flavor seems to be the sugar-distilled essence of disillusionment. But it’s probably hard to beat Cookies’N'Cream Oreos, the Oreos that are full of Oreo-flavored filling.

Since the invention of the knife, humans have been trying to replace the knife with one piece of shit or another. The Clever Cutter is no exception, pairing a flimsy, cheap blade with a tiny cutting board. You can even see in the video that it struggles to cut through a block of cheese, or a single carrot. File this one with the One-Step Corn Kerneler, another device that looks good but fails when it comes to performing its one job.

This children’s shirt manages to convey hatred for homosexuals, the poor, sex workers, and children in only nine words. That puts it pretty squarely in the running to be the next Republican presidential candidate.

The iCog Hades turns your sleek, light iPad Air into a heavy, huge wooden monstrosity that somehow also requires 2 AA batteries to operate. As you can see in the other pictures, it opens up to reveal a steampunk typewriter (of course.)

Bragging that it has “relevant memes” for 2016, this e-book continues the practice of scraping bottom-of-the-barrel content from the web. Then again, you probably work with someone who has one of these on their desk, and uses the word “meme” as a verb.